Monday September 29...midnight - already?!?

Robert saw his cardiologist today. Yeah! He is taking him off of two medications, both for heart rhythm. And we continue to be hopeful that he really does not need them! Only time will tell. Robert will have a nuclear stress test at the end of October. Until then we really will not know how much damage there has been to his heart or if there is any blockage. So, hurry up and wait again. But today his EKG showed no irregularities, so we rejoice.
We ran errands after his appointment and then had wonderful friends Lee and Betsy Sellick come for dinner and to assist me in bill paying and other stressful stuff that Robert isn’t up to facing yet. Thank the Lord for such good friends who will spend time on boring stuff like our budget when they have a million more important things to do! Lee witnessed how tired Robert easily becomes when right in the middle of conversation Robert fell asleep…Lee patiently waited for him to wake up and resume talking on the same topic!
I think I’m out of excuses for missing work tomorrow so I had best get some sleep.

~Jeanette

Tests...of Joy???

Tests…of Joy?
Written Sunday night, September 28th

This morning we read a chapter together in a book that was given to us. It was about "tests" that God gives to us. It was well written with many good reminders. I was reflecting on it while I was doing some cleaning today, when all of a sudden the words found in the book of James rolled through my head. "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds..."
Now I don’t have a problem with calling what we have been through a trial – a test of sorts. In fact, we had started a class in August called “The Testing of Your Faith” and we were learning how God brings tests, personally designed for us, to grow our faith. So here we are…a time of pain, uncertainty, challenges and full of inconveniences…and I trust God in this test. He knows where, and when, and for how long to allow the trial, to accomplish what is needed in us. I have been steadfast in trusting Him. I've had resolute faith, determined faith, never-give-up faith, but not joyful faith. I have faced this trial with the same endurance one puts on when hearing, “this is a test, it is only a test…” – and then you sit through the long, high-pitched signal, knowing it is going to end, but not before you get extremely annoyed by it. But today, I remembered the call to consider it pure joy…I haven’t been considering this experience with joy.
I was sweeping down cobwebs and dusting as I pondered what it means to “consider something that is difficult with joy”. I usually do not welcome things that are irritating or annoying with joy – I certainly do not readily receive painful things with joy. Just like the cobwebs I was busy sweeping away, irritating things make me impatient and angry. I get so tired of dusting…cleaning and re-cleaning. As I spied evidence of another spider at work, I asked myself, how can I consider difficulties, like cobwebs, with joy? And immediately I had my answer – by being thankful I have a house where I can sweep away cobwebs!
It all depends on my focus. When I focus on the webs and the dust and the dirt, I get irritated and annoyed, and question the good purpose of spiders. But when I focus on my blessings, including a house, large enough for 4 adults and a dog, with furniture, I can sweep away cobwebs with joy in my heart and consider them insignificant compared to a roof overhead. In fact, I finished my work singing!
We have a long ways to go through this current test, and I’m tempted to worry about what is ahead. So far I like how this test is turning out…Robert is well on the road to recovery. But we don’t know what is coming next in regards to his health – he has to get through some hurdles ahead. And unfortunately we do know what is coming next in regards to our finances…the bills will start arriving shortly, providing us with yet another difficult part of this “test”. When I focus on the pain and the inconvenience and the uncertainty, I can lose patience and get irritated and annoyed. But when I focus on LIFE and RELATIONSHIP and realize our God has already answered MANY, MANY prayers, I can “sweep” away the irritations and annoyances and impatience and relax in joy.
I looked up the words of James in The Message, where it uses different words to say the same thing: “Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides.” That means to think of this time, this pancreatitis episode, as a gift, because God has a purpose in it…receive it as joyfully as one receives a precious gift, given at the precise time, with the right intensity, and, yes, even with the right amount of pain, to accomplish exactly what God has in mind.
I used to not comprehend receiving pain as a “gift” from my God…but after years of watching Him work, I've come to understand it quite well. And my heart sings and rejoices as I recognize my God, my heavenly Father, busy at work in my life, in Robert’s life, in the lives of others, ONLY because in His eyes we are of Great Worth. He will use the trial for our good and for His glory. And that brings me Joy!

James 2-4 Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. (as translated in The Message)

~Jeanette

Sunday September 28...11:00 pm

Well, the weekend slid by rather quickly and quietly. Robert is beginning to get restless. Yesterday we went for a walk on the street - about a block and back. Then at 10pm last night, he said, let's go to Safeway...just to get out of the house. So, off we went to walk the aisles of Safeway! He used a shopping cart as his walker. Today John and Sue Wack from Wisconsin came to visit and we sat outside on the patio - what a gorgeous day - we had a great time catching up with friends. Tonight we walked with Sadie down the street to my parents house - about 2 long blocks. After chatting for awhile, we started back, slowly, then dad came out and offered to drive Robert home and he took him up on it. I guess it looked like a long walk back. So I walked home in the dark with Sadie pulling me and me pulling Robert's walker, while dad drove Robert!
Tomorrow we go to see the cardiologist. We are hoping he will take Robert off of some of the heavy duty medications he is taking. Pray for the Dr to be given wisdom in caring for Robert.

Thanks for the prayers for my brother Mike. He did get to see a neurologist on Friday. He suspects some kind of headache syndrome...and has ordered an MRI. He does not think it is life-threatening. Please continue to pray for relief from the headaches as he waits for a diagnosis and treatment.

~Jeanette

Friday September 26...10:30 pm

Today was a big day - Robert went out of the house! We went to his primary care physician today. It was mainly a "catch the doctor up" appointment. He has received some of the reports from the hospital but not nearly everything. It took him 5 minutes just to write down all the medications Robert is taking! He does think the itching is caused from a reaction to medication - which one he has only a guess. He advised sticking with the Benadryl - just be sleepy for a few more days, it's good for you! - and hopefully when Robert sees his cardiologist on Monday, he may stop the suspicious medication. The doctor did make some insulin adjustments that will hopefully help.
The whole experience has become a bit surreal to me...like, did this really happen, and was it really as life-threatening as I remember. But when the doctor sat in front of Robert today, held his hand, looked him straight in the eye, and said, "I am so glad you are still with us", I realized it really was as serious as I had thought. In fact, Robert reminded me later, he said it to him twice. Robert didn't miss that. He is still trying to get his mind around the whole experience as well...trying to understand how all that could be going on and he was totally asleep, unaware of it all.
The doctor also made me feel better about being so squeamish about Robert's bedsore - when I saw him grimace when he looked at it, I realized it isn't just my own queasy stomach reacting.
Need to just keep doing what we are doing - it takes time to heal.
When we got home from the appointment we had visitors from Redmond - Jerry and Ruth Keller. Thanks for coming you two - it was great to get caught up.
Then Robert crashed - that was more activity than he has had for a long time. He went out today without his walker...he is getting around the house quite well without it, as long as the dog stays out of his way! Steps are still difficult...and he did find out that straight out of bed to the bathroom goes smoother if he hesitates on the side of the bed instead of catching himself on the door frame! It must be difficult to have your mind working great but your body is slow responding.
It sounds like the pancreas heals very slowly. Another 6-8 weeks at best guess.
All in God's time - all in His will.
No more secure place to be.
Good night for now

~Jeanette

Posting a Comment

For all of you who have tried to leave a comment or wanted to but are baffled by "blogging" here are the simple instructions:
On the right hand side of the comment page, is a box with the title: "Leave your comment".
Write the message you want inside the box.
After the box it says: Choose your identity - choose "anonymous".
Then click on "Publish your comment"
That's about the extent of what I know about blogs!
I really appreciate reading the comments. Now Robert is reading them too!

Thursday September 25...8:00pm

It has been a long day. It started with a melt down in the kitchen over how many carbs are in cream of wheat...it should have been simple but it became very complicated. The recipe called for 2 tablespoons of cream of wheat in 1 cup of milk...and then when I read the side of the box to see how many carbs were in one serving, it used a 1/4 of a cup - 1/4 cup of what??? Cooked cream of wheat? Raw cream of wheat? Nothing made sense. So I looked in the carb book, which has been very helpful, and it used 6.5 ounces...how was I supposed to know how many ounces??? I don't have a food scale so there I was stuck - brain freeze, all over Cream of wheat. Why couldn't he just have oatmeal like yesterday? By then I was late getting into the shower and late for my coffee date with 2 friends. When I arrived at Starbucks, there sat the mother I had met in the ICU waiting room. Her son has pancreatitis - he went into the hospital 5 days before Robert. I ignored my friends and chatted with her for 30 minutes. She was so glad to run into me because she had no way of knowing where we were once we left ICU. We had a great time encouraging each other and comparing notes. Unfortunately it sounds like her son has a hard road ahead, probably including surgery. He is a drinker, so that definitely complicates things. We can pray that this will bring life changes in him, especially in his priorities...pray for him to be ready for his "departure date" through reconciliation with his Creator. That is the only thing that makes suffering and pain worthwhile...when it changes us and brings us into a relationship with God, whether for the first time or into a deeper knowing. That was a divine appointment today. I need to learn to trust even melt-downs over cream of wheat to be used in God's arrangements. Had I arrived on time, I would have been sitting across the room and may not have seen her at all.
I tried to work this afternoon. Jerry was there and he refused to let me work on the computer...I think he sensed I am not thinking real clear yet! So I went through some files and tried to get re-oriented. That lasted until Robert called to tell me his upper lip was turning numb. After that I couldn't concentrate so I came home. Thanks Jerry for sticking around and not leaving me with the bulletin to print! After a few hours Robert's lip got better. Not sure what it was about; we will ask the Dr. tomorrow. He sees his primary care physician tomorrow. Pray that he is able to absorb all the different angles to Robert's case and manage it well. Robert's itching is worse again tonight after being better the last 24 hours. We sure would like to know what is causing the itching...it must be a reaction to something, but why would it get better for awhile and then flare up again?
My observation for today: even when you eat foods very low in carbs, they somehow add up very quickly.
The good news of the day: Robert's blood sugars were below 150 every time he tested.
Thanks, Aunt Leola, for sticking with me. I will keep writing if I know at least one person is reading!

~Jeanette

Wednesday September 24...10:30pm

Just a brief update - life is settling in here at home. Robert and I are both still very tired. Robert napped some today. I ran errands and actually went to work for a couple of hours. By the time dinner was over I was wiped out ready for bed! When I brought Robert's dinner to him, he just kept laying there...I reminded him his dinner was ready and he said, sometimes I'm just too tired to sit up. It is apparent he is starting to catch on to the counting carbs game. He asked me if he didn't eat his roll, could he have ice cream?!? Actually, Rosanna bought some low carb ice cream tonight and so he had his 1/2 roll AND ice cream. After about the 4th insulin injection today, he said, this is getting old. The diabetes nurse at the hospital was certain he will be a good candidate for an insulin pump, as he is needing a lot of insulin. He is not producing any and he is very insulin resistant.
I will continue writing because this has become a journal for me. Obviously it may become very boring for you, however, to read about how many naps Robert has in a day and what food choices he is struggling to make! If you continue reading you are either VERY dedicated to Robert and his recovery, or you may need to check in with the excitement level in your life...and look for a different source than this blog!
We certainly still appreciate the prayers. Today I was reading about the different medications he is taking and concluded he is still in desperate need of God's help - if the pancreatitis doesn't get you, the side effects to medications will! The damage to the pancreas and lack of insulin are minor compared with the concerns over his heart and blood clots. I still don't think that filter they put in has small enough holes to catch anything.
Thanks for sticking with us...

~Jeanette