Saturday December 27...11:00 pm

We lost our internet service right after I posted the last blog…something to do with the ice and snow. I don’t understand how we could have phone service but not internet…another one of life’s mysteries. We finally made it to California! The kennel called with a cancellation and we made quick plans to leave. We traveled all day Friday – Robert, Robby and I, as well as my parents. We are very thankful for a safe arrival, especially after almost losing a wheel…seems the bolts on one wheel didn’t get tightened when our new tires were mounted. About three-quarters through our day we started hearing a strange noise…about two hours later, the noise changed to a loud thump, thump…we stopped on the shoulder of the freeway, with cars and trucks whizzing past, in the dark, but couldn’t figure out the noise. We finally inched our way to an exit and after lots of investigating, realized one of the bolts was sheared off…and the other 4 on that wheel were very loose. Dad tightened them up and no more noise. We will be visiting Les Schwab Monday morning to get the bolt replaced and to make sure the other 4 aren’t damaged. We are extremely thankful we didn’t lose the wheel going 70 mph down the freeway. The Lord protected us – hate to think of what could have happened.
Today we had a most fun adventure. We went up to the south edge of Yosemite and went on a horse-drawn sleigh ride. It has been on mom’s “bucket list” for years, so we surprised her! Ironic, it ended up being this year…with all the snow we have had on the ground at home. I’ll post pictures on facebook for those who want to see them.
Robert said tonight that he’s afraid he has done too much the last two days…traveling for 12 hours, then traveling for 2 hours up to the snow today and 2 hours back, with a sleigh ride thrown in. He is quite worn out and predicting a “rest” day for tomorrow. We will be celebrating Christmas here in Modesto before heading to Fresno on Monday…after the wheel is looked after. Thanks for “traveling” with us.

~Jeanette

Tuesday December 23...9:00 am

Well, not much has happened since the last blog entry – pretty much same-o, same-o. Snow, ice, more snow, more ice, more snow…I like same-o!!! School was out all last week, so Robert got an extra week for Christmas vacation. The extra rest was probably what he needed. But because of the weather he has not had his CT scan, nor has he had any cardiac rehab – the roads have been too icy and rehab has been closed.
It is going to be a white Christmas here this year! We have a winter wonderland going on…it is beautiful. We are enjoying it a lot, but our electricity was off for about 24 hours. That was a bit challenging. Fortunately we have a wood stove and we do not lose water when we lose power, so we could still flush! Many people do not have heat or water, so we were very thankful. The forecast is for more snow, so we still do not know if or when we are going to go to California. We haven’t heard from the kennel yet either, and we can’t leave until we have a place for Sadie. We are not very comfortable leaving while there is still the threat of losing power again…it is not a good idea to leave refrigerators and pipes unattended in freezing weather. When the power was out we had to take everything out of our refrigerator – part went in an ice chest in the garage, but the rest went out on the patio! Robert even put his carton of low-carb ice cream out in the snow. Last night, Robby said he liked it better when the electricity was out…he said it was quieter, calmer, and slower. Over all, that describes our life in general since Robert’s illness…not a bad way to celebrate Christmas, the birthday of our King.

~Jeanette

Monday December 15...9:00 am

Well, Robert had to cancel his CT scan this morning due to the icy roads. All the schools in the area are closed, so he gets an unexpected day off. He was very tired over the weekend, so the extra day to catch up is a blessing.
We haven’t heard from the kennel about Sadie yet, so keep praying! Although, it appears the weather could be a factor in deciding to travel…another storm is predicted for the weekend – we had hoped to leave Sunday or Monday, but driving in snow or freezing rain doesn’t sound fun. Life has been a series of waiting to see what God has planned, so why would we not expect to wait to find out our holiday plans.
Meanwhile, I’m enjoying looking at the snow on the ground and preparing for Christmas.

~Jeanette

Saturday December 13...noon

Robert made it through his first week back to work “full-time”! I use “full-time” a bit loosely because he only had one day that he was at school for his full shift. The other days he had appointments that took him away part of the day – physical therapy 2 different days, a consultation with a diabetic dietician one day and orientation at cardiac rehab on another day. He was very tired in the evenings until Friday – for some reason he wasn’t as tired at the end of the week. I think that is called answer to prayer and stamina building! Next week he has several appointments, including another CT scan of his pancreas to check on the healing process and a follow-up with his cardiologist. He also starts cardiac rehab on Wednesday, which will be 3 days a week for the next several months. Getting well makes for a busy schedule!
We are enjoying driving our van with a new set of tires on it, thanks to the anonymous giver through Les Schwab! What a great gift that brings us reassurance of God’s care. We would really like to drive those new tires to California for Christmas and we were even given some money that will help pay for our travel. I think Robert’s mom and sister would really like to see in the flesh their son and brother after this traumatic journey! However, we kind of forgot we have a dog…when I called the kennel last week, they laughed when I asked if there was any room to board Sadie over the holidays. Normally we would book the kennel in September for Christmas, but we were a bit preoccupied then. Robert, ever the optimist, called the kennel again this morning, because he knows there are cancellations. They didn’t laugh at him…they said they would check the schedule and get back to us! So, please pray for a spot to open for Sadie so we can travel…if that is the best thing for us to do. Robert has been hesitant to commit to travel due to the ongoing discomfort from his bed sore and the thought of sitting for so many hours. Since he called the kennel this morning, I guess he is up to giving it a try.
Thanks for continuing on our journey and for continuing to pray. It is great to have a God that listens to requests for tires and dog kennels…and moves in response to the faith of his people.

~Jeanette

Thursday December 4...late (or early December 5)

The last week has gone by very quickly. And Robert has almost completed another week of work with half days! Everyday he is gaining strength and stamina and is fitting comfortably back into the 'saddle'. He told me this evening that he let the school district know that he will be starting full days next week. Wow. He has come a loooong ways. I did a most interesting thing tonight...I went back and reread the entire blog. My conclusion of the matter is that life is so out of our control...and we are so weak and frail and needy. Of course, when life is going well and we have our little part of the world organized and running smoothly, we can be deceived into thinking that we are so strong and able and self-sufficient. But all it takes is PANCREATITIS to show us and remind us that we are in control of absolutely nothing. But more than that, this whole roller coaster trip has shown me the importance of priorities...that we need to stop thinking we will get around to the important stuff some day, and make it TODAY instead. Taking time to think through priorities is especially important as we enter this busy month of December - a time that we must make sure we are celebrating what we want to celebrate, in the way we want to, without just being swept along with the flow that often ends with regret instead of joy. I am so grateful for people in our lives who have ordered or re-ordered their priorities and have been very generous to us. We have continued to RECEIVE some wonderful blessings and trust that those who have shared in our need will have celebrations filled with joy. This week we have been given cash and we had a call from Les Schwab - asking us to bring our vehicle in so they can put on the four tires someone bought anonymously for us! Some days I am overwhelmed with all that we have been through and all that we face and I can hardly get out of bed...other days I am full of energy and joy because I have a front row seat watching my Master at work. Keep praying!

~Jeanette

Thursday November 27...11:30 pm

We had a great day today feasting :) ...but missing Rosanna. We have so much for which to be thankful. Robert had 3 days of work this week - half days, and he was a little extra tired today, but he has enjoyed getting back to his job. Now he has the weekend to get caught up and try 5 half days next week. I am thankful for God's hand of grace throughout, not only this illness, but throughout our lives. I am especially thankful for friends and family. Tonight I want to ask you to pray for both my brothers. My younger brother Mike is still having headaches and without finding any other cause, the Dr believes he has a virus. He is managing life with lots of pain medication...and after they seemed to be improving for awhile, this morning he said they have been worse the last five days. When they are bad, he battles a lot of nausea too. I don't like having a headache for one day - he has had them everyday since the end of August. Please pray for relief and/or a change in diagnosis, medication or something that would bring relief.
My older brother Brian and his wife, Laurel, are facing difficult decisions and transitions. Their son Willy has been wheelchair bound for many years now, and in spite of his physical decline, they have continued to keep him in their home and provide for all of his care, 24/7. This has been challenging at best and exhausting at worst. Willy has actually outlived the life expectancy for his disease, but now his brain and mental abilities are being affected and life has become more difficult than ever. His Dr suggests finding a rest home or care home where Willy could get the care he needs and Brian and Laurel can get the help and relief they need. Moving a family member out of your home is always a difficult decision but in this case, they are finding it particularly challenging - none of the facilities they have contacted are willing to take him. Please pray for this family to be led to the right resources they need, for the strength they need to keep walking down this difficult path, and for the peace of God to guard their troubled hearts.
Thank you for caring for us and for our family. Thanks for taking the time to stop and talk to our Father about all of us.

~Jeanette

Sunday November 23...2:30 pm

Yesterday was a great day. We moved our old washer and dryer OUT and the 'new' set IN. After everything was unhooked and vacuumed and re-hooked and shuffled and settled, I did about 6 loads of laundry. I literally sat and watched at least 3 of them, because the washer is a front loader with a window...it is very entertaining. It tumbles one direction, and then stops and goes the other direction. I marvel at what small amount of water it uses, yet it gets it all very clean. Our water bill should go down. But I learned that it takes lots of extra rinses when you use too much detergent...it says just use a little and it means it! At the end of the cycle it goes into this "fast" spin and I feel like shouting "lift off". It spins clothes so dry you have to peel them off the top of the drum...the first time I looked inside I said where did they go?!? We are so thankful to our generous friends for giving us their extra set. I don't think they had any idea how much entertainment they were providing. Rosanna just called from Nebraska and sounded a little concerned when I told her I was 'watching' my washer :) Best of all we have clean clothes again!
Robert is gearing up to go to work tomorrow...it will take some extra planning and preparing to to get his meals and schedule coordinated. He has noticed that everything takes a bit longer when counting carbs and taking insulin. Please keep praying for his stamina to increase so he can have the energy he will need around those middle school students.
We have so much to be thankful for this week of Thanksgiving. In spite of the trials, obstacles and adjustments, we have many blessings. As I contemplate the action of a washing machine and marvel at it's cleaning ability, it is nothing compared to the marvelous "cleaning" we receive from the precious blood of the Lamb. Just as the dirt and stains of daily life are washed out of the towels and clothes in that machine, we get the dirt and stains of daily life washed off of us...over and over and over, as we sit under His grace. I like clean...clean clothes...clean hearts...clean slates. And we pause and give thanks.

~Jeanette

Friday November 21...5:00 pm

Yippeee! Robert's Dr (surgeon) told him today that his pancreas has made significant improvement! Finally! This is the first time in 11 weeks that we have heard these words. He used terms we didn't exactly understand, but said there is evidence of scar tissue forming (that's good) whereas before there was only evidence of swollen tissue (that's bad). He does not see anything to be concerned about at this point, and he was very pleased with that. He was especially pleased after he learned about the heart episode and the stents, saying, he could not have performed any surgery for at least 6 weeks following the heart procedures Robert had a couple of weeks ago - therefore, it is a very good thing he doesn't need surgery! He ordered another CT scan in 4 weeks to keep tracking the progress.
A double yippeee, because this means Robert is all cleared to return to work next week...he will start on Monday, going half-time - 4 hour days the first couple of weeks. If his stamina continues to improve, he will then go to full days for a couple of weeks before Christmas break. And that is good news. I like good news. :)

~Jeanette

Wednesday November 19...9:00 pm

If you could just see me now. I am sitting with my mouth hanging open - have been all day. I asked for prayer Monday about a tread mill so Robert can start a regular exercise program, and on Tuesday we were offered two. So, on Tuesday I asked you to pray for a washing machine, because, quite frankly we don't have a washing machine fund...we don't have any extra for any purchases right now. To think about buying something on the day after Thanksgiving was just dreaming. But today, this morning, we were told that a friend will bring us a washer / dryer matching set this weekend. It is about 8 or 9 years old but it works! We haven't had a matched pair in our 29 years of marriage. I don't know why God has answered these requests so quickly but I am rejoicing and encouraged. Robert said to ask for prayer for a flat screen TV! I said, sorry, tires for the car and van are next :)
Whoever "you" are who are praying, I am so thankful for you. And please continue to ask the Father to bring Robert complete healing and strength and energy...and for no complications in his pancreas and for the nodule on his prostate to 'disappear'. And for us to learn and grow and to make known things about our God for all to see His goodness.

~Jeanette

Tuesday November 18...7:00 pm

Ask and you will receive. I like that. I asked you to pray for a tread mill yesterday and was offered one today! So now I think I will ask for more specific prayers :)
Please do pray for good changes in Robert's pancreas - he has an ultrasound tomorrow morning, with an appointment with the surgeon on Friday afternoon. Hopefully he will tell us the pancreas is healing without any complications...please pray for that. And while you are at it, we need a new washing machine. Ours has worked off and on for about a month. It has stayed "off" for about a week now and hasn't started even though we have shook it just like before and it would work! It takes quite awhile to bail out a large capacity washer with a cottage cheese carton. We've done it twice now. I just heard on the news tonight that the sales the day after Thanksgiving will be fantastic this year due to retail sales being slow, and even heard that Sears is putting their washer / dryer pair on sale for an incredible price. Perhaps we will need to check it out...I just hope we don't have to be there at 5:00 am to get the great deal.
Thanks for praying with us.

~Jeanette

Monday November 17...2:30 pm

Wow. I see it has been a week since I updated this blog. After Robert came home from the hospital last Monday, I think we both experienced a "setback". We were both tired and drained. We spent the week kind of 'down', both physically and mentally. We were in a bit of a shock with the two unscheduled major heart procedures and hospital stay. We still shake our heads in amazement that a Dr. did a procedure INSIDE Robert's heart Monday morning and then sent him home...and we sat and ate dinner together that evening. Robert found a video animation of the ablation procedure online so we were able to see exactly what they did. What a marvel the human heart is...and we marvel as well at what modern medicine can do. Of course, Robert was 'awake' for this hospitalization, so this is a new leg of the journey for him...facing the procedures and processing the results with all of the information and emotions they bring. We both appreciate so much the continued prayers. Please include on the list that the stents will work and not 'plug up' as they occasionally do. I feel rested after sleeping a lot this weekend, but pray for Robert to regain energy - both physical and mental stamina. He needs that before he returns to work. By taking insulin to manage his diabetes, his life has drastically changed. Now that he knows he has some serious Coronary Heart Disease as well, he must make more changes, primarily in eating and exercise. Think permanent "DIET" and you will get a picture of how depressing it feels some days. The exercise is going to be a big piece of the change, since he is rapidly gaining weight also. Two Dr's have told him it is just part of going on insulin - weight gain is expected and can only be managed by diet and exercise. Come to think of it, would you pray for God to provide a tread mill or elliptical machine? It's not in our budget right now!
Thanks for sticking with our journey,

~Jeanette

Monday November 10...7:00 pm

YEAH!!!
Robert is home.
We only had to pick up 6 prescriptions on the way home. :(
He has to take it a bit easy this week so he won't resume physical therapy until next week. He should sleep well tonight after his very short night with his 'colorful' roommate last night and then his procedure today. He should get caught up quickly though since he only has two appointments this week - the dentist and his endocrinologist.
Thanks for all your prayers.

~Jeanette

Monday November 10...11:30

Robert had his ablation this morning as planned. The Dr was able to locate the exact spot that was causing the flutter and cauterized it. That should prevent it from reoccurring. Whether it is a life-long cure, I don't know yet. Robert is laying flat for several hours and then if everything remains stable he should be discharged late this afternoon. We did learn this morning that his prostate biopsy will be postponed - it can not be done now because of the medications he is taking. It will happen in about 3 months if everything stays on track. So, maybe life will return to normal...or at least our "new" normal :)
Hopefully there will not be any procedures for awhile...oops, he does have an ultrasound of the pancreas next week. In the meantime, we will enjoy the days in between.

~Jeanette

Sunday November 9...6:30 pm

This has been a relatively uneventful day. Robert may think otherwise since he was awakened at 4:30 am when they moved in a new roommate. He didn't get very much sleep after that. The roommate has proved to be quite interesting...he is a talker and is so eager to talk he doesn't like the curtain closed between us! Over dinner tonight Robert put his mental health screening skills to use as he listened to him pour out his problems. Between observing his co-workers in the ER when we arrived Thursday do a mental health screening on the bed next to him and watching him here in the room, this hospital stint has turned into 'take your wife to work day'! Robert and his new roomie are still talking, now about politics. Yikes. I was getting nervous there for a bit. They found out they have something in common - pancreatitis...and, surprise, his was caused by alcohol. Now they have heart procedures to compare. I think this is a good night for me to leave early...Robert will be very entertained! He may not even notice I'm gone :) And Robert seems to have a calming effect on him.
The plan is still to have the ablation procedure in the morning as far as we know. He has stayed in sinus rhythm all weekend and has been relatively stable. For the angiogram on Friday, they entered an artery in his groin and put a catheter up into the heart. For the ablation tomorrow, they will enter a vein in his groin and put a catheter up into the heart. I'm glad I reminded the Dr the vein has a vena cava filter...he had forgotten he will need to maneuver past it. Sounds to me like we need extra prayers!
We've already had 5 nurses in 3 days...and tonight's shift will be number 6. We will probably mention our concern about 'continuity of care' again when we go through discharge. They are all great nurses but you have to tell your story again each shift and make sure they are tracking everything. Once again, I'm reminded how grateful I am for an Advocate that knows everything about us and speaks up for us.
I'll keep you posted tomorrow and please say those extra prayers.

~Jeanette

“Scary” Thought

written during the early hours of November 9th

I had a scary thought last night. What if pancreatitis is good? I have hated pancreatitis from the day I first learned about it and the hatred grew with every step of Robert’s “decline” in ICU. When a person has several drinks a day for years, pancreatitis comes as a result of damage from the alcohol – it can be expected and predicted. When a gall stone gets impacted in a precise location in the body, that too can cause pancreatitis, and that is understandable. But when you don’t drink and there is no gall stone, and there seems to be no concrete reason, it is just a horrible, awful, condition that comes out of the blue and changes your life. And because the incredible pain, threat to life, time lost, financial cost, and ugly outcomes (like insulin dependent diabetes) all seem bad, I put pancreatitis into my bad things “box”…because I like things in boxes, neat and tidy.

I first had little tiny thoughts that there may be some “good” in pancreatitis, when someone commented on a blog and let me know that it had encouraged them. My thoughts were something like, thank you Lord for a positive in the midst of an awful.

And I certainly called it “good” as I experienced God’s comfort through the arms of friends and family, and through their generosity – giving food, gift cards, money, time and prayers. But those things, I thought, all reflected only the goodness of God in coming to me in my time of need, and I still hated pancreatitis.

The thoughts of “good” grew a bit bigger when Rosanna and I grabbed the mail out of our mailbox on our way to the hospital on Monday morning, September 8th – day five in ICU, day two on the ventilator. In the mail that day was a sermon on CD – I said open it and see what it’s about. We both gasped when she read me the title: “The Painful Discipline of the Father”. I said I’m not sure I want to hear that and she agreed…but we decided we should. We didn’t hear nearly all the message on Hebrews 12 that morning, but we heard enough that I remember thinking: could there be some “higher” purpose in pancreatitis? In the timing…in the pain…in the uncertainty of it all? Over the next two weeks, during almost every trip to and from the hospital, I would listen to that sermon, and at night I would read the passage it was based on – “Do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son/daughter. Endure hardship as discipline.” As I read and as I listened, and as I walked on this journey, something began to stir in me. I wondered if all of this was a discipline…a correction…a training; all sent out of love from my Father. So that when I saw changes in family dynamics – positive changes among loved ones, I said, well, some good has come out of this bad thing. When bad habits began being replaced with good habits, in our home and in our lives, I recognized this is good.

The thought that a bad thing may be good really gathered steam when kidney stones led Robert to the urologist and that led to needing a biopsy…and the Dr said I’m not going to do anything about the kidney stones, but I’m so glad you requested an exam.

Then, when Robert’s heart went into a-fib flutter and we ended up in the hospital once again and some serious heart disease was discovered and stents were put in…
Driving home just before midnight, I know right where I was on the highway when I had the thought, this is good…it is so very good that the nodule was found. And now it is soooo good that heart disease was discovered and treated before he had a serious cardiac event. And, wow, this could be two major health issues that may not have been detected if it were not for pancreatitis…wow, this is good. And my very next thought was “pancreatitis is good”…and that jolted me…because that would mean that I can be thankful for pancreatitis. This could mean that God, in His mercy and grace, planned pancreatitis…the timing of it, the severity of it, the cost of it…yes, even the pain of it? What if, out of His love, He gave Robert exactly what he needed, at the exact time and with the exact severity required, in order to “unveil” other issues that needed attention. While at the very same time, He was using it in my life, our children’s’ lives, other lives – to change and fix, train and correct, repair and restore…and he is not finished yet. And that would mean I could take pancreatitis out of my bad things “box” and put it in my good things “box”.
And that’s just scary.
But a “good” scary…not one that makes me panicked or terrified or want to run away and hide, but a “scary” that does make me tremble, and kneel, and fills me with awe as my God appears bigger and bigger…when I let Him out of my “box”.

“Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons…but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in His holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:7, 10-11

Saturday November 8...5:00 pm

Robert and I both got a good night's sleep last night. I very wisely chose to go home rather than staying here, even though Robert would have rather I stayed. If he had a private room I would have stayed, but with another man in the room it just didn't feel right! Glad I went home because Robert said he had the best nights sleep in 6 weeks - he sure didn't need me to be there! I enjoyed my own bed and sleeping in. Turns out, the other patient in his room was moved today to a different floor. Now Robert is the only one in what could be a ward of three. We went for a walk around the loop at 3:00 in the afternoon, instead of 3 am like the last time. We are enjoying a rainy Saturday watching football...saw University of Oregon win, now the Beavs are beating UCLA. When was the last time we did this on a Saturday?!? This is just a catch our breath day. Robert is taking lots of medications and still being monitored. So far his heart is staying in sinus rhythm. My folks and Robby came for a short visit. Robert is thinking about what he will order for dinner - they don't make him count carbs here, so he is contemplating taking advantage of that. Bad boy! He has sat a lot in the recliner today, looking out the window, even though this room doesn't have a great view. It looks out across the street at the new building that will be finished by May 09. The nurse said there won't be any rooms like this one in the new building; they will all be private rooms. The way she said it made it sound like she was implying that next time Robert could have a private room...like we are "hoping" for a next time to find out!

~Jeanette

Friday November 7...7:30 pm

We didn't get to see the Dr that actually did the angiogram today - he checked out early for the weekend! But we did see his partner and he explained that the right coronary artery was 75 - 85 % blocked and the left circumflex artery was 90 % blocked. Whew. The Dr seriously asked Robert during the procedure if he wanted bypass surgery or stents. I'm glad he was coherent enough to say stents! The Dr this evening said that was a good choice..."we can always do bypass surgery in the future if needed." I think that this looks like the mercy of God protecting Robert from a major heart attack. His anxiety over the upcoming biopsy alone could very well have created some major problems. Instead now the dreaded angiogram is all done, and he will have a total of 3 procedures with one bridge (that must be a bargain). As long as 3 procedures in 5 days doesn't do him in! Isn't that just like our Maker - He gives us one thing to prepare us and get us ready for the next. One stress strengthens us for the next stress, just like the roots of a tree going deeper during the storm. Our job is just to keep trusting in the work of the Father. I love the mercy of our God.

~Jeanette

Friday November 7...2:45 pm

The cardiologist just stopped by and said they found that Robert has numerous "lesions" (blockages) in his arteries. They stented the two most significant, with various lengths in each. He also was not nearly as excited as I about his heart returning to sinus rhythm...he said it will go a-fib again so he needs to have the ablation done. The sooner the better...but it's the weekend :( His recommendation was to stay put here and have the procedure done first thing Monday morning. He anticipates discharge late that afternoon, in plenty of time to go home and get some sleep and then have his biopsy on Tuesday morning! So nice that all of this can be done on the same "bridge"...I'm content to stay put knowing that if he went home and flipped to a-fib again, we would repeat last night. Better he already be here!
Thanks for continuing on our roller coaster ride.

~Jeanette

Friday November 7...2:00pm

Right when we thought the car was coasting to a stop, we hit an unexpected turn. Last night after dinner, Robert noticed he felt like he had drank too much caffiene, but he hadn't had any. When I, the inexperienced, felt for his pulse I could tell it was not normal. I suggested we go to ER (Dallas) but he said no, it costs too much. So I said I would call a nurse friend...and after several tries, I found one - she came over with her stethoscope and confirmed a very rapid (148), irregular pulse. We reached the cardiologist on call and he said to get him into ER (Salem) right away. With a pulse of 148, blood pressure of 177/125 and an arrhythmic EKG, he got a lot of attention! His heart was once again in an a-fib flutter. Once the right medication was in his system, everything settled down (although still in a-fib) and they thought he would go home. But alas, the enzymes had risen a tiny bit, so they moved him to 4th floor. This morning his cardiologist ordered the angiogram for today, instead of a week from today. He also planned to do an ablation to restore sinus rhythm. Well, Robert is now back in his room resting after having two stents put in. He had significant blockage in two arteries. The great news right now is that when they got the stent in place on the left side and full blood flow was restored, sinus rhythm returned! Turns out the blockage was right in the area of the heart that controls rhythm and evidently it wasn't getting enough blood flow. I haven't talked to the Dr yet, but I'm sure they'll keep an eye on him and if he stays in sinus rhythm, he probably won't need the ablation (she says hopefully!). I think we may be seeing the hand of God at work - perhaps the biopsy scheduled for Tuesday was going to be too much on his heart, so God said, nope, the angiogram needs to be done first! When I look at the "before" and "after" pictures, I am certain he was protected from a major heart event. Though it was hard to come in last night, back in the hospital with all its noises, smells, and memories, and scary to face again the uncertainty of what was going on, restored blood flow to the heart is a good thing! Thank you to our Maker who orchestrates all things for His Glory.

~Jeanette

Monday November 3...10:00 pm

Today we learned that Robert's stress test showed there is some "slowing on the back side of his heart". So the cardiologist ordered an angiogram to pinpoint the extent of blockage. This cardiologist won't do the angiogram, because he only does "electrical", so he is sending Robert to a partner that does "plumbing". See, I'm still learning medical terms! We did not get a date scheduled yet, but we are hopeful that it can be done next week during the same "bridge" for his biopsy. I think that would be an arrangement by God to get in that quickly, so please pray for His intervention. We did not hear from the surgeon today regarding the scan. Hopefully tomorrow. I'm rather tired of waiting...I feel like I have been "waiting" since this whole scenario began, only in the hospital we would wait hours for tests or results, now we wait weeks. The hours in the hospital often seemed like days or weeks...which reminds me of a puzzle that I still haven't solved. I jotted down this note about "time" after Robert had been in the hospital for a couple of weeks and ran across it recently: "Every hour goes by fast, but the days are so long"...how do you explain that?!? Waiting. To wait can mean to "remain"...I find myself needing to choose to remain in a place of trust, when it would be easy to choose to wait in a place of anxiety. I can choose to trust when I remember the words of my friend Wendy - "we are only waiting to find out what God already knows". Nothing catches our God by surprise...I think I can sleep on that tonight!

~Jeanette

Wednesday October 29...1:00 pm

Whew! The stress test was not nearly as stressful as the stress of anticipating the stress test! It appears to have all gone smoothly. Now we wait for Monday when we get results from the cardiologist. Meanwhile, we met with Robert's primary care physician yesterday to talk over many things. The most important being the "bridging" to be done before his biopsy. (I may go for my nursing degree by the time we get through this...I've learned so many new medical words!) In order to have the biopsy done, the risk of bleeding must be diminished by bridging with a different drug than he is currently taking. I'm not sure there is an actual bridge, or that Robert goes across a bridge, or that any bridges will ever be seen during this process, but that is what they call it! And that process from start to finish takes at least 2 weeks, because after he is "bridged", he has to get "unbridged". That will affect his return to work, because the Dr. says he can't go back to work until he is completely re-stabilized - does that mean the bridge is unstable? Any way you look at it, it is complicated. I haven't even mentioned the scary high blood pressure, the unusually high weight gain, the scan report, or the vena cava filter. I feel sorry for his primary care physician - by the time we left him I thought we should give him a tip because we made his head spin.
Speaking of scan report, we will get one tomorrow when we go to see the surgeon. All our primary care physician could tell us was that it is unchanged. We are not real clear on what is unchanged, so hopefully tomorrow we will find out.
Rosanna let us know yesterday that she has started a blog of her adventures. You can find it at livingwithsteadfasthope.blogspot.com
Robert is resting right now after his tiring workout with physical therapy in the pool. He said he doubled some of his repetitions. He still notices the left side is weaker than the right...hmmm. Not sure why.

~Jeanette

Sunday October 26...11:30 pm

Robert would appreciate your prayers as he goes for his nuclear stress test in the morning. He is getting stressed thinking about the stress test! Pray that the Dr. will find everything he needs to properly diagnose and treat any condition regarding his heart. It would be wonderful to learn that there is no blockage...nothing that needs any attention.
Robert's stress level has increased following his visit to the urologist last week. He went to the urologist because of the kidney stones found by the scan in the hospital. The urologist is not going to pursue any treatment of the stones right now. However, since Robert was in a urologist's office, and since Robert's father and two uncles had/have prostate cancer, it seemed the right time to have an exam. Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, the Dr. found a nodule and wants to biopsy it. His biopsy is scheduled for November 11. Prostate cancer is most treatable when found early, so perhaps the kidney stones led him down the path so that any problem there can be found and treated early - that would be the "fortunately" view point.
Medical bills continue to come in - and we are soooo thankful for the amount paid by our insurance. We will only owe a few thousand, while the insurance will pay, so far, close to $150, 000. The number of Dr's who worked on this case continues to rise also - 26 total! Amazing!

It took me awhile to figure out that though we have both been on journeys, our journeys have been quite different. Robert went on a physically traumatic journey, while I, and the kids, went on an emotional journey. The last couple of weeks have been spent getting each other caught up on our journeys. As we now face the possibility of prostate cancer and whatever results come out of the stress test tomorrow, we are on the journey together. I like that better.
Thanks for your care and support. Robert really enjoyed the visit to Whiteaker on Friday afternoon! Hopefully he will get back to work by the middle of November.


~Jeanette

Monday October 20...9:30 pm

Things continue to improve with Robert. He had a lot of energy on Friday and Saturday. When we went to pick up our van from the transmission shop, he drove himself home - and even stopped at Winco and shopped by himself! Well, Sunday was a crash day from overdoing...he spent the whole day laying down. Today he went for physical therapy in the pool, and will do that 2 more times this week. That should help get him in shape. We are waiting to hear about the scan he had last Thursday - no word from the Dr yet. Tonight I drove him to Salem for Bible Study - his first time this year. Dad found him a great pillow to carry with him that helps him to sit for longer periods - it even has a carrying strap. Bed sores sure do take a looong time to heal.
Rosanna has been in Nebraska a week already. All the reports we have from her so far are good. She is mostly going through orientation and training. Saturday she went horseback riding, an activity they use often with the teens.
As for the van transmission - it turned out to be a minor repair, as far as transmission work goes. The bill was just over $400 and God had already provided most of it. We are so grateful for that!
I am creating a spread sheet for our expenses for pancreatitis. This has proved challenging because I don't use Excel much. I'm sure with some help and some tweaking I will be able to track who wants our money, how much total is going out and what is the grand total. But for now, the most interesting fact I have noticed as I've entered the different charges, is that there were (so far) a total of 18 doctors that worked on Robert's case while he was hospitalized! Some of them I never met - some were radiologists that probably just read an x-ray. The different amounts charged by the different Dr's is quite interesting as well...I wonder what basis is used for determining their fees?!? It can not be the amount of time spent with the patient - some who spent very little time charged the most! One of life's mysteries that will probably never be solved.
Thanks for traveling with us.

~Jeanette

Thursday October 16...11:30 pm

Robert saw a Urologist today. He was referred to one because of the kidney stones that showed on the scans taken in the hospital. He does have one quite large one (1 cm), but the Dr. doesn't think it will move - in fact, it appears to be embedded in the "meat" of the kidney, much to the surprise of the Dr - he acted like he hadn't seen that before. The smaller ones will probably pass - hopefully painlessly. He did order an X-ray and Robert will have a follow-up appointment with him next week.
After we went home, he learned his CT scan needed to be done this afternoon, so Robby drove him back to Salem for that! Some days all he does is go to appointments and figure out how many carbs he has eaten. Robert almost spent as much time in Dr's offices and X-ray rooms as I spent working today. He had to drink some awful liquid for today's scan, but fortunately it was a little more tasty than the "vanilla smoothie" he had last time.
The best part of going to see the urologist today was when he asked if we had ever seen Robert's pancreas during this pancreatitis episode (he was looking at the scan taken back on Sept 6). We said no, so he showed us what he called an "incredibly inflamed" pancreas. Finally we saw the BEAST that caused all this trouble. To be honest, we either aren't easily impressed at this point in time or we just don't know how to "read" scans...we were impressed, however, with how impressed the Dr was with it all. He could not stop talking about how large the pancreas was and how amazing it is that Robert is doing so well.
Yesterday Robert saw his endocrinologist. He was quite impressed with Robert's blood sugar levels and especially with Robert's careful documentation of them. He only made minor adjustments to his insulin doses. The only bad news from his office was learning the syringes Robert uses do not come with shorter needles! Oh, and the other bad news: he probably won't be getting an insulin pump because of the high doses he has to take - he would have to refill the pump too often.
Tomorrow Robert has a physical therapy appointment and sees his primary care physician. Included in that visit is a blood draw to check the levels of a whole bunch of things.
Robert is getting around so much better and gaining more strength. He actually drove a short distance today...Robby was with him and after making one stop he convinced Dad he wasn't quite ready to drive to Salem, so Robby took over! I think "Dad's" driving made Robby nervous! Oh well, Robby's driving has made dad nervous plenty of times too.
And so life goes on at the Danielian house...in some ways it is simpler and I think I like it.
Now, to just keep it that way...

~Jeanette

Tuesday October 14...10:30 pm

Robert saw his surgeon yesterday and expected to have an ultrasound of his pancreas. The Dr. was hopeful with what he felt in Robert's abdomen - enough so that he said he wanted to see the details on a CT scan instead of an ultrasound. So, Robert will have an CT scan sometime this week. Meanwhile, since we know Robert also sees a urologist this week regarding the kidney stones revealed by the scans in the hospital, we are trying to combine "scans" so both Dr's will get the readings they need from one scan! When the Dr's get their requests coordinated, the scan will be scheduled.
Tomorrow Robert has physical therapy EARLY in the morning, 7:15 am, and then sees his endochronologist (sp?) later in the morning. He is hoping for shorter needles for the syringes he is using to give himself insulin. :)
After a long day of packing yesterday (including most of the night) Rosanna finally got all three bags to weigh less than 50 lbs each. It took a lot of sorting and resorting. Robby and I took her to the airport EARLY this morning - we arrived at the airport at 5:30 am. and saw her through security. Then I got some coffee and Rob a doughnut, and we were back home by 7:45. I had a hard time staying awake on the drive home and at work today! Rosanna was in Henderson, Nebraska by 3:30 our time...it was raining there when she arrived. Our house was a little quieter tonight.
Life is full of transitions...most of them involve some challenges and adjustments...why is it "change is always perceived as loss", when in reality there is much to be gained through expanding our relationships and experiences??? I'm very proud of you, Rosanna, for following the Lord's leading and your heart...you are demonstrating courage in taking a risk, and you are trusting that God will equip you as you follow His call. Now, start your own blog and keep us posted on what you are doing!
Good night.

~Jeanette

Saturday October 11, 2008...10:30 am

Ahhhh, we had a relaxing two nights at Devils Lake in Lincoln City!
Rosanna had one request before she moves to Nebraska - to go to the coast! She will not see the ocean for a loooong time! A friend let us stay in their house. Robert was able to go up and down stairs!!! Slowly, holding tight to the rail...and if he forgot anything we ran up and down for him :) We had all kinds of weather - rain, hail, fog, sun. Rosanna, Robby and I actually made it onto the sand, to walk and take some pictures. But it was absolutely freezing!

On this past Wednesday, he did have his first appointment with physical therapy. It was mostly an evaluation. We were able to go to the beach because his appointment with the surgeon on Thursday was rescheduled for Monday. So, on Monday we will learn how the pancreas is healing. It has been 3 weeks since he had his last scan, so we are anxious to get a report and hope that it is shrinking, without any complications. Robert still tires very quickly and is still having trouble getting good sleep. Sometimes this is due to congestion in his throat when he lays down. The muscles in his throat are still quite weak - amazing how long it takes to heal.
Thanks for the continued prayers.

~Jeanette

Tuesday October 7th...11:30 pm

Adoption Day
Sometimes our trials come through our physical bodies, like, pancreatitis for example. Sometimes our trials come through broken things, like, VANS for example. Yesterday Robert and I ran some errands in Salem and on the way home our transmission stopped working, out on the highway, right about 5:30 pm when the traffic was very heavy. I pulled over onto a very narrow shoulder, with vehicles whipping past us at 65 miles per hour. After the warning light did not go out, we determined we should not drive it, and we called for a tow truck. Besides seeing dollar signs floating before my eyes, the worst part for me was the large Starbucks ice tea I had finished about an hour earlier. I got out and seriously looked for a tree to hide behind, but (fortunately for me) the poison oak has started to turn red and was obvious around every tree, so I decided there was no safe spot. We had the van towed to our mechanic (who does not work on transmissions) and after checking it out today and discussing it with his favorite transmission man, and the warning light stayed off, he decided it was working fine...for the time being...but advised us against leaving town in it, just in case it would happen again. So off I drove and I stopped at the store on the way home and it was working fine. But after leaving Safeway, when I slowed to turn onto our street, it shifted with a clunk...and the warning light came back on. :(
I think this means now we tow it to the transmission shop in Salem. When Robert was in ICU, in the midst of a serious illness, my faith kicked in, and I "rested" in my Sovereign God - I trusted Him to take care of everything and everyone. I believed He could meet our every need. In fact, 2 days ago I blogged about how God HAS met our needs. But when our van suddenly needs a major repair, I fall apart. I instantly started worrying...wondering how in the world we will pay for another bill. And right now I want to say "enough".
Then I remembered what day this is - October 7th - Adoption Day..."Celebration Happy" day. The day, 17 years ago, we went to court to finalize the adoption of our 2 kids. The day when the judge declared us to be the legal parents of Rosanna and Robby, and birth certificates were issued, reading the same as if they had been born to us. We call it “Celebration Happy” day because, just hours before guests arrived, five-year-old Rosanna told me she wanted to sing a song at our Adoption party. When I asked her what song, she hesitated a moment, then on the spot started to sing (to the tune of Happy Birthday) “Celebration Happy, Celebration Happy, Celebration, I’m adopted, Celebration Happy!” Today was a day to remember the special relationship we share with our children, all because of the legal action of a judge.
Today makes me remember the special relationship I have with my Creator, who by His Son, has made it possible for me to be His child. I am adopted, all because of the legal action of The Judge - He has declared it to be so. And because of my relationship, based on faith in Jesus, I can enter into my Father’s presence and say “daddy, I’m scared” …”daddy, it hurts”…”daddy, how much more?”
And I hear my Father say: “…for you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance” - and - “For the time being no discipline brings joy, but seems grievous and painful; but afterwards it yields a peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it” - and - “…keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’ So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.”
As I listen to His Words, I feel the anxiety draining from me and find myself relaxing in the arms of my Father and once again I rest in my Sovereign God…and sing "Celebration Happy" with joy!

Sunday October 5...9:00 pm

After Robert had two days more active than usual, he crashed on Saturday! He will need to learn to pace himself and not over do it. His itching had gotten better, but now he is getting welts to replace the rash. Hmmm, not sure what that is about. Today we were given a fantastic gift. Three of Robert's friends from college days, delivered two dump truck loads of gravel and then, using a tractor, they spread it out along the side and front of the house! Wow! Now we won't have a mud bowl on the side of the driveway this winter. We had started the project before Robert's attack. It was supposed to be a simple spread gravel project...but that led to replacing the drain pipe from the downspout to the street...which meant digging a 10" ditch along the concrete driveway, 48' long, through gravel and river rock. In fact, if strenuous activity can trigger pancreatitis, then that is what did it for Robert. He had a few feet to finish when he went into the hospital. My dad and Robby finished the ditch and laid the pipe. Then John, Glen and Dave came and now the project is all done! Wonderful.
We have been extremely blessed by the generosity of many people. We continue to be grateful for the money, food, cards, and now gravel project. It is amazing how God, through many different people, provided all of the money we lost in income for the month of September.
We also are extremely grateful for good insurance because the bills are starting to arrive. We haven't received all the bills yet, nor do we know the total we owe. But since Robert has gone over the maximum for one year, we already know the hospital bill of $123,000+ is completely covered!!! His pharmacy bill alone was over $18,000 for 19 days - who knew you could receive almost a thousand dollars worth of medications a DAY?!? No wonder he is still itching...and $42,000 seems a little steep for room and board when he only ate food 4 of the 19 days!
The only bad news is the school district changed insurance plans October 1st, so we start meeting new deductibles and working on his maximum expenditures all over again. We can only hope the most expensive medical care is all behind us!
This week he starts physical therapy and sees his surgeon. He will do an ultrasound to see how the pancreas is healing. Pray that it is shrinking without ANY complications.
Thank you for sticking with us.

~Jeanette

Friday October 3rd...8:00pm

Yeah! Dad is getting better and better. Dad went to his Dr.'s appointment today. Blood sugar looks good, minor adjustment in medication, and bed sore is a tad bit better. He'll start physical therapy next week. He likes to get out of the house as much as he can. Yesterday I took him out twice...once to Walmart and then later to the movie store and Safeway. He's getting stronger and doesn't get tired as quickly as he used to. Mom and I were both busy today so Robby took Dad out to do some errands.
I finished working both my jobs this last Wednesday. It's been nice to be home to take Dad out, and to be with my family. We've spent more time together this last month than we have in a while because we were all so busy before. Now we realize how precious our time together is and other things just don't seem as important. I have especially appreciated our time together since I will be leaving October 14th to move to Nebraska to start a new job. Mom can't wait to have my room. She wants to turn it into an office. I never realized how much time it takes to move...especially out of state. This will be my first time moving out of state, and I will be flying so I can't take everything with me. It's becoming quite a chore going through all my stuff and deciding if it is worth keeping, taking with me, or storing for the time being. I am excited about going and looking forward to this opportunity God has given me to work with youth. I will be a care provider in a residential home for teens. I am really going to treasure this last week I have with my family.
Continue to pray for peace and patience for all of us, and for God to continue healing Dad. We praise God for all He has done so far, and we know that He is in control of all things.

~Rosanna

Wednesday October 1...11:00 pm

Robert continues to improve, which is obvious by the way he is getting more and more restless. Yesterday Cliff Mosher came to visit Robert and brought him a BSF lesson! We are looking forward to the day he can go to BSF. Thanks for the visit Cliff - you really cheered him up. In fact, anyone who wants to come and visit or take Robert out of the house is welcome to do that! He has never enjoyed being home all day...let alone home all day after day after day after day. I am back to work and that means less time to spend with him. He still is not sleeping well. Something must happen to the internal clock when in an induced coma like he was...he can doze off and sleep for short stretches, but not all night long. One of the biggest challenges continues to be controlling his blood sugar levels. Perhaps better sleep will help that too.
The last few days, Robby and I scrapped and painted the lattice structure over our patio. We rushed to get done before the rain started tonight...and the drops started to fall as we swept up the last of the paint chips. Our necks and arms hurt. Robby asked why we were doing a job that should take weeks in just a few days…hmmm, I wonder that too, Rob! At least we got a coat of primer on all the bare spots.
As he listens to the rain, Robert wonders if I’m going to make a big pot of soup… I think fall has arrived. Robert has really enjoyed the cards in the mail and the comments on the blog and the phone calls. It adds a bright spot in his long days and gives him a break from watching his OLD videos.
Thank you all.

~Jeanette

Monday September 29...midnight - already?!?

Robert saw his cardiologist today. Yeah! He is taking him off of two medications, both for heart rhythm. And we continue to be hopeful that he really does not need them! Only time will tell. Robert will have a nuclear stress test at the end of October. Until then we really will not know how much damage there has been to his heart or if there is any blockage. So, hurry up and wait again. But today his EKG showed no irregularities, so we rejoice.
We ran errands after his appointment and then had wonderful friends Lee and Betsy Sellick come for dinner and to assist me in bill paying and other stressful stuff that Robert isn’t up to facing yet. Thank the Lord for such good friends who will spend time on boring stuff like our budget when they have a million more important things to do! Lee witnessed how tired Robert easily becomes when right in the middle of conversation Robert fell asleep…Lee patiently waited for him to wake up and resume talking on the same topic!
I think I’m out of excuses for missing work tomorrow so I had best get some sleep.

~Jeanette

Tests...of Joy???

Tests…of Joy?
Written Sunday night, September 28th

This morning we read a chapter together in a book that was given to us. It was about "tests" that God gives to us. It was well written with many good reminders. I was reflecting on it while I was doing some cleaning today, when all of a sudden the words found in the book of James rolled through my head. "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds..."
Now I don’t have a problem with calling what we have been through a trial – a test of sorts. In fact, we had started a class in August called “The Testing of Your Faith” and we were learning how God brings tests, personally designed for us, to grow our faith. So here we are…a time of pain, uncertainty, challenges and full of inconveniences…and I trust God in this test. He knows where, and when, and for how long to allow the trial, to accomplish what is needed in us. I have been steadfast in trusting Him. I've had resolute faith, determined faith, never-give-up faith, but not joyful faith. I have faced this trial with the same endurance one puts on when hearing, “this is a test, it is only a test…” – and then you sit through the long, high-pitched signal, knowing it is going to end, but not before you get extremely annoyed by it. But today, I remembered the call to consider it pure joy…I haven’t been considering this experience with joy.
I was sweeping down cobwebs and dusting as I pondered what it means to “consider something that is difficult with joy”. I usually do not welcome things that are irritating or annoying with joy – I certainly do not readily receive painful things with joy. Just like the cobwebs I was busy sweeping away, irritating things make me impatient and angry. I get so tired of dusting…cleaning and re-cleaning. As I spied evidence of another spider at work, I asked myself, how can I consider difficulties, like cobwebs, with joy? And immediately I had my answer – by being thankful I have a house where I can sweep away cobwebs!
It all depends on my focus. When I focus on the webs and the dust and the dirt, I get irritated and annoyed, and question the good purpose of spiders. But when I focus on my blessings, including a house, large enough for 4 adults and a dog, with furniture, I can sweep away cobwebs with joy in my heart and consider them insignificant compared to a roof overhead. In fact, I finished my work singing!
We have a long ways to go through this current test, and I’m tempted to worry about what is ahead. So far I like how this test is turning out…Robert is well on the road to recovery. But we don’t know what is coming next in regards to his health – he has to get through some hurdles ahead. And unfortunately we do know what is coming next in regards to our finances…the bills will start arriving shortly, providing us with yet another difficult part of this “test”. When I focus on the pain and the inconvenience and the uncertainty, I can lose patience and get irritated and annoyed. But when I focus on LIFE and RELATIONSHIP and realize our God has already answered MANY, MANY prayers, I can “sweep” away the irritations and annoyances and impatience and relax in joy.
I looked up the words of James in The Message, where it uses different words to say the same thing: “Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides.” That means to think of this time, this pancreatitis episode, as a gift, because God has a purpose in it…receive it as joyfully as one receives a precious gift, given at the precise time, with the right intensity, and, yes, even with the right amount of pain, to accomplish exactly what God has in mind.
I used to not comprehend receiving pain as a “gift” from my God…but after years of watching Him work, I've come to understand it quite well. And my heart sings and rejoices as I recognize my God, my heavenly Father, busy at work in my life, in Robert’s life, in the lives of others, ONLY because in His eyes we are of Great Worth. He will use the trial for our good and for His glory. And that brings me Joy!

James 2-4 Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. (as translated in The Message)

~Jeanette

Sunday September 28...11:00 pm

Well, the weekend slid by rather quickly and quietly. Robert is beginning to get restless. Yesterday we went for a walk on the street - about a block and back. Then at 10pm last night, he said, let's go to Safeway...just to get out of the house. So, off we went to walk the aisles of Safeway! He used a shopping cart as his walker. Today John and Sue Wack from Wisconsin came to visit and we sat outside on the patio - what a gorgeous day - we had a great time catching up with friends. Tonight we walked with Sadie down the street to my parents house - about 2 long blocks. After chatting for awhile, we started back, slowly, then dad came out and offered to drive Robert home and he took him up on it. I guess it looked like a long walk back. So I walked home in the dark with Sadie pulling me and me pulling Robert's walker, while dad drove Robert!
Tomorrow we go to see the cardiologist. We are hoping he will take Robert off of some of the heavy duty medications he is taking. Pray for the Dr to be given wisdom in caring for Robert.

Thanks for the prayers for my brother Mike. He did get to see a neurologist on Friday. He suspects some kind of headache syndrome...and has ordered an MRI. He does not think it is life-threatening. Please continue to pray for relief from the headaches as he waits for a diagnosis and treatment.

~Jeanette

Friday September 26...10:30 pm

Today was a big day - Robert went out of the house! We went to his primary care physician today. It was mainly a "catch the doctor up" appointment. He has received some of the reports from the hospital but not nearly everything. It took him 5 minutes just to write down all the medications Robert is taking! He does think the itching is caused from a reaction to medication - which one he has only a guess. He advised sticking with the Benadryl - just be sleepy for a few more days, it's good for you! - and hopefully when Robert sees his cardiologist on Monday, he may stop the suspicious medication. The doctor did make some insulin adjustments that will hopefully help.
The whole experience has become a bit surreal to me...like, did this really happen, and was it really as life-threatening as I remember. But when the doctor sat in front of Robert today, held his hand, looked him straight in the eye, and said, "I am so glad you are still with us", I realized it really was as serious as I had thought. In fact, Robert reminded me later, he said it to him twice. Robert didn't miss that. He is still trying to get his mind around the whole experience as well...trying to understand how all that could be going on and he was totally asleep, unaware of it all.
The doctor also made me feel better about being so squeamish about Robert's bedsore - when I saw him grimace when he looked at it, I realized it isn't just my own queasy stomach reacting.
Need to just keep doing what we are doing - it takes time to heal.
When we got home from the appointment we had visitors from Redmond - Jerry and Ruth Keller. Thanks for coming you two - it was great to get caught up.
Then Robert crashed - that was more activity than he has had for a long time. He went out today without his walker...he is getting around the house quite well without it, as long as the dog stays out of his way! Steps are still difficult...and he did find out that straight out of bed to the bathroom goes smoother if he hesitates on the side of the bed instead of catching himself on the door frame! It must be difficult to have your mind working great but your body is slow responding.
It sounds like the pancreas heals very slowly. Another 6-8 weeks at best guess.
All in God's time - all in His will.
No more secure place to be.
Good night for now

~Jeanette

Posting a Comment

For all of you who have tried to leave a comment or wanted to but are baffled by "blogging" here are the simple instructions:
On the right hand side of the comment page, is a box with the title: "Leave your comment".
Write the message you want inside the box.
After the box it says: Choose your identity - choose "anonymous".
Then click on "Publish your comment"
That's about the extent of what I know about blogs!
I really appreciate reading the comments. Now Robert is reading them too!

Thursday September 25...8:00pm

It has been a long day. It started with a melt down in the kitchen over how many carbs are in cream of wheat...it should have been simple but it became very complicated. The recipe called for 2 tablespoons of cream of wheat in 1 cup of milk...and then when I read the side of the box to see how many carbs were in one serving, it used a 1/4 of a cup - 1/4 cup of what??? Cooked cream of wheat? Raw cream of wheat? Nothing made sense. So I looked in the carb book, which has been very helpful, and it used 6.5 ounces...how was I supposed to know how many ounces??? I don't have a food scale so there I was stuck - brain freeze, all over Cream of wheat. Why couldn't he just have oatmeal like yesterday? By then I was late getting into the shower and late for my coffee date with 2 friends. When I arrived at Starbucks, there sat the mother I had met in the ICU waiting room. Her son has pancreatitis - he went into the hospital 5 days before Robert. I ignored my friends and chatted with her for 30 minutes. She was so glad to run into me because she had no way of knowing where we were once we left ICU. We had a great time encouraging each other and comparing notes. Unfortunately it sounds like her son has a hard road ahead, probably including surgery. He is a drinker, so that definitely complicates things. We can pray that this will bring life changes in him, especially in his priorities...pray for him to be ready for his "departure date" through reconciliation with his Creator. That is the only thing that makes suffering and pain worthwhile...when it changes us and brings us into a relationship with God, whether for the first time or into a deeper knowing. That was a divine appointment today. I need to learn to trust even melt-downs over cream of wheat to be used in God's arrangements. Had I arrived on time, I would have been sitting across the room and may not have seen her at all.
I tried to work this afternoon. Jerry was there and he refused to let me work on the computer...I think he sensed I am not thinking real clear yet! So I went through some files and tried to get re-oriented. That lasted until Robert called to tell me his upper lip was turning numb. After that I couldn't concentrate so I came home. Thanks Jerry for sticking around and not leaving me with the bulletin to print! After a few hours Robert's lip got better. Not sure what it was about; we will ask the Dr. tomorrow. He sees his primary care physician tomorrow. Pray that he is able to absorb all the different angles to Robert's case and manage it well. Robert's itching is worse again tonight after being better the last 24 hours. We sure would like to know what is causing the itching...it must be a reaction to something, but why would it get better for awhile and then flare up again?
My observation for today: even when you eat foods very low in carbs, they somehow add up very quickly.
The good news of the day: Robert's blood sugars were below 150 every time he tested.
Thanks, Aunt Leola, for sticking with me. I will keep writing if I know at least one person is reading!

~Jeanette

Wednesday September 24...10:30pm

Just a brief update - life is settling in here at home. Robert and I are both still very tired. Robert napped some today. I ran errands and actually went to work for a couple of hours. By the time dinner was over I was wiped out ready for bed! When I brought Robert's dinner to him, he just kept laying there...I reminded him his dinner was ready and he said, sometimes I'm just too tired to sit up. It is apparent he is starting to catch on to the counting carbs game. He asked me if he didn't eat his roll, could he have ice cream?!? Actually, Rosanna bought some low carb ice cream tonight and so he had his 1/2 roll AND ice cream. After about the 4th insulin injection today, he said, this is getting old. The diabetes nurse at the hospital was certain he will be a good candidate for an insulin pump, as he is needing a lot of insulin. He is not producing any and he is very insulin resistant.
I will continue writing because this has become a journal for me. Obviously it may become very boring for you, however, to read about how many naps Robert has in a day and what food choices he is struggling to make! If you continue reading you are either VERY dedicated to Robert and his recovery, or you may need to check in with the excitement level in your life...and look for a different source than this blog!
We certainly still appreciate the prayers. Today I was reading about the different medications he is taking and concluded he is still in desperate need of God's help - if the pancreatitis doesn't get you, the side effects to medications will! The damage to the pancreas and lack of insulin are minor compared with the concerns over his heart and blood clots. I still don't think that filter they put in has small enough holes to catch anything.
Thanks for sticking with us...

~Jeanette

Wednesday, Sept 24......2:30pm

Not much new. Dad is itching a little less, but he's still not sleeping very well. Mom, Robby, and I were able to sleep in this morning, which was really nice. Dad wasn't able to, but he's napping now. He must be getting better...he's getting a bit more demanding. :-) Continue to pray for healing, and that it will be peaceful in our house so Dad won't get stressed. Pray that Mom won't get stressed out with all that there is to do now that everyone is home. All of us are having to adjust in different ways, and it takes a lot of time to get used to how things need to be. Thank you for all your encouraging words and prayers and food!
Continue to pray for my Uncle Mike. He is seeing a neurologist on Friday. Pray that he will be able to see him sooner! Thanks.

Tuesday September 23...midnight or so...

I think I have been more tired than I ever realized. I slept 12 hours last night - got up at 10:30 am and at 2:00 pm I crawled back in bed and slept until 5! When I got up this morning, I found out that Robert had been up and taken his medications, checked blood sugar, eaten breakfast and taken his insulin - all by himself! Wonderful! As the day went on, he was more and more tired too...I think the move home took a lot of energy. Hopefully tomorrow I will be rested enough to get busy. Lots of things to sort through and get set up. Robert is to see all 5 of his doctors in the next two weeks, plus get started at SHAPES, where they will monitor his blood because of taking the Coumadin. The doctors he will see include (and I have no idea how to spell them!) a cardiologist, an endocrinologist, a surgeon, a G-I, as well as his primary physician. He also will start physical therapy and go see a Diabetes Educator. Biggest challenge of today was figuring how many carbohydrates were in the food he ate! He takes insulin based on the number of carbs. Please tell me this will get easier as we learn the basics. Right now it feels overwhelming. Not only is he diabetic, but he also needs to eat low fat since the pancreas gets excited when there is too much fat. We don't want any thing to trigger the pancreas too much because an overactive pancreas could become another pancreatitis attack...and I vote for that to never happen.
Robert just went to sleep so I best too...

~Jeanette

Monday September 22 ...10:00 pm - Day 19

HE'S HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We left the hospital with MANY instructions about 6:45 pm
We stopped at Walgreens to fill 10 prescriptions and waited about an hour - home by 8:15 pm.
Robert and I are both EXHAUSTED and feel like we can sleep for 3 days.
I cried on the way home remembering 10 -15 days ago...when I did not know if I would ever bring him home again. God is gracious and good.
Today he learned that the damage in his pancreas is such that it is not producing any insulin. Dr's do not hold much hope of that being restored.
God has his plans and we embrace what He gives us, knowing that He has our ultimate good in mind.
thanks and good night

~Jeanette

Monday, Sept 22......Departure Day!

So, I just talked to Mom......and Dad is coming home today! They still have to meet with some doctors and get a lot of paper work done, which means they won't be home till tonight. But how exciting! Unfortunately, this is not the end of our journey but we rejoice in the little things. Please continue to pray for healing as his body continues to get better. Pray that there won't be any set backs, and that all of us will be able to get the rest and energy we need this week. Pray for patience and understanding as each of us will have to adjust and change how we do things at home. Thank you for all your support and prayers. God is answering them one by one, and we thank Him for all that He has done for us and will continue to do for us.

Monday September 22...12:30 pm - Day 19

Waiting.
Still waiting.
Robert had a great night sleeping - he didn't get out of bed once! We didn't even have our middle of the night walk. The Benadryl had him sleeping like a baby. I on the other hand...I wasn't sleepy...and I was busy (see blog below!)
Hopefully he will see Dr's soon and we will learn when his discharge will be.

Departure Date

Departure Date
Written during the night of September 21st and the early morning hours of the 22nd…

Every since we arrived I have had one thing continuously in the back of my mind: when can Robert go home? When will he be discharged? It is the question most often asked by others: what does the Doctor say about when he will get to go home? And so I have lived every one of the last 18 days with that day in mind, but without knowing what the actual date will be. Planning for that day has meant many of my conversations about the future have included the phrase, “it depends on whether Robert is home yet”. It has meant keeping his clothes ready in my van – the ones I put in there the morning of Day 3 because I was hopeful that would be the day he would improve and be sent home. It has meant spending time preparing the house for his return – clearing some obstacles to make room for his walker and cleaning some clutter in anticipation of his needs. It has meant me assuming his chores because life goes on and I can’t just neglect them until he is well and gets around to it. The dog needs her medicine daily. The bills need to be paid. And speaking of bills, I haven’t had that duty for years and would rather not take it on now. But because I don’t have an exact date he will come home, nor an exact date or promise of when he will be well – I have to sharpen some rusty skills and perform my duty to him while waiting. In fact, I have to be prepared and willing to take it on indefinitely, knowing that less stress on him will help him heal.
Planning and preparing for him to come home without knowing the actual date, makes me wish I could know the date in advance. I wish I had “Departure Day” circled on my calendar in red ink, so I could plan. Knowing an actual date begins a countdown. Things are planned, anticipated, prioritized and scheduled accordingly. But because I don’t know the actual date, I live everyday hopeful it will be tomorrow, and have tried to be prepared.
I am wondering if I have everything ready. What am I going to wish I would have taken care of if the Dr says in the morning, this is the day? Have I used the time waiting in the best possible way?
This experience has certainly helped me re-prioritize some things:
· I’ve taken time to say important things that I can easily neglect and put off
· Relationships with people have moved up the scale
· Much of the busy-ness of life has been put on hold – I’ve let go of things I thought absolutely had to happen
Why does it take a life-threatening illness, a sudden turn of events to remind us of what is valuable in life? I’ve learned that when a loved one is on a ventilator it is too late to say and do…and all that is left is hope for another chance.
As I sit in our room tonight, hopeful our departure is tomorrow, I can’t help but think of another departure day that always sticks in the back of my mind, even though I don’t know the actual date. I believe there is on God’s calendar, a departure day for each one of us. It is a day in our date book, when we are scheduled to depart life on earth and enter into life apart from this earth. I believe that date was entered into our Day-timer by God, before we drew our first breath. It’s a decided date, more certain than every holiday, wedding, graduation, or medical appointment scheduled in our Day-timer. And just as every important date in our Day-timer approaches with much planning, anticipation, preparation, and excitement or dread as we count down the days, so our Departure Date should be looked at the same way…the only difference being we don’t know the actual date. It still should be the overriding focus of our life, always in the back of our minds.
It is a day when we will either enter into the eternal kingdom of God or we will not, and which will happen is determined by how we have prepared for that day before it arrives. I fear many people have forgotten they have that date already in their Day-timer – forgotten they are marking off the days, and they will not be prepared. Preparing for that departure day is easy to put off when we don’t actually know the exact date.
The Maker of Heaven and Earth, the Creator of all life, has made it abundantly clear that the only ones who will enter into His Kingdom of Light and Life are the ones who lived in relationship with the King while still on this earth – those who made preparation to meet Him face to face by being reconciled to Him through the redemptive sacrifice of His Son’s death on the cross, as well as by bowing their heart and knee to His Authority over all things. And to the unprepared, to those who think they will make time for Relationship later, He will say, depart from me – I’m sorry but I never knew you – I never had a relationship with you while you were on earth. So you will depart to a place outside of My Kingdom…a place where the Light and Life of the King are completely absent…and it will be a day of Great Regret for not preparing while there was opportunity.
As I have reflected on the importance of being ready for our departure date, a line from a song has repeated over and over in my mind: “I don’t want to gain the whole world and lose my soul.” Of course, it refers to the words of Jesus: “What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? For the Son of Man is going to come in His Father’s glory with His angels, and then He will reward each person according to what he has done.” Life has a way of deceiving us about what is most important…Our Maker reminds us there is nothing more important than preparing for departure from this life.
Just as I have made preparation for Robert to be discharged out into life away from the hospital, before I know the actual date, so we all must prepare to be discharged into life away from this earth before our Departure Date actually arrives. Because of my close relationship with Robert, I’ve made changes in our daily life so we are ready for his arrival at home. Living in close relationship with the King now means making changes in our daily life on earth so we are ready for arrival at our new, eternal home. It means submitting to our King, serving our King, and letting go of all that belongs to the kingdom of this world – clearing out obstacles and cleaning up clutter, sharpening some rusty skills and performing my duties faithfully to my King. It means not neglecting the important priorities that belong to the Kingdom of God.
I’ve been anticipating with joy Robert’s departure date every since he was admitted to the hospital…and I remain hopeful it will be today!
I don’t know when my Departure Date from this life is coming, but I want to be so ready I can anticipate it with joy…and because I will see my Savior, my God, my King face to face, I live everyday with that day in mind, without knowing what the actual date will be…and I wait, hopeful it will come soon.

~Jeanette

Sunday September 21...11:00 pm - Day 18

Okay, okay. I take one day off and some of you are already asking when the blog for the day will be posted! This was a great day, which was needed after a rough night. Another allergic reaction to some unknown source kept Robert from sleeping last night...and it kept me providing him with wet wash cloths to bring some relief to the nonstop itching. We made our nightly tour at about 3:3o am and inbetween it all I did get some sleep. Because he didn't have a procedure to get ready for this morning, I actually stayed in bed much later than the usual 6:45 am. We had a very mellow day because Robert finally was given Benadryl, which made him very sleepy. I was able to have breakfast with my sister, Connie, who has been here from California since Thursday. Then we spent the morning in Robert's room with Rosanna. Later my mom and dad and Robby came and we all went out for a wonderful lunch at McGraths. Robert hardly noticed we were gone - he really slept a lot. Sure glad one of us got caught up after our wakeful night!
The best news of today was the results of yesterday's CT scan. The Dr reported no evidence of increased damage to the pancreas, no sign of infection, and noted it actually had decreased slightly in size. The Dr. said it appears it is moving in the right direction! Which hopefully means we are moving in the right direction - HOME! We are hopeful to depart this place TOMORROW!!! It would be later in the day - discharge from 4 Dr's, a Diabetes nurse, and a Speech pathologist could take most of the day. Robert has never been on insulin for his diabetes before this life-changing event, but he will go home with the new skill of giving himself injections. They have been letting him practice here. It appears the damage to his pancreas means it is producing very, very little or no insulin at this time. Sometimes over time the pancreas can experience some restoration, so it remains to be seen what the permanent outcome will be.
Grateful tonight for the wonderful help my sister and mom have been in helping me at home while I have been here at the hospital. Connie is flying home tomorrow morning.
Grateful for your prayers and for the many gracious answers from the Lord. Some of you may have wondered why I stopped emailing specific requests...it is because I have been spending night and day here since last Tuesday, and my email stopped working! I guess it doesn't like the hospital internet connections!
Please continue to pray for my brother Mike. (see yesterday's blog)
Thank you very much,

~Jeanette

Sat September 20 - 11:oo pm

Well, as we supposed, we didn't get a report today on the scan of his pancreas. But we have learned that the longer you stay in the hospital when you are starting to feel well enough to go home, the more "testy" you get! We also learned that only about 6 visitors, 1 patient and 2 nurses with their computer on wheels, can fit in the room comfortably. But most importantly we found out today that if a nurse puts an extra IV in an unnecessary spot, the hospital quickly brings in gift cards to your favorite restaurants!
Hopefully tomorrow we will have a restful, mellow day with no more all liquid food trays and no procedures to wait and wait and wait for transport to come with the gurney.
Thanks for walking with us.
On another note, would you please pray for my younger brother, Mike. He has been ill for 3 weeks with a severe headache and vomiting, among other things. After ruling out many things, West Nile virus is still suspected, even though the test came back negative. Pray that he will get in to see the right Dr's much faster than predicted and find some answers and relief. Thanks - we know first hand that prayers make a BIG difference in how things are handled.

~Jeanette

Saturday September 20...12:30 pm - Day 17

Robert is sitting on the edge of his bed finishing his second bottle of "Creamy Vanilla Smoothie" - Barium Sulfate...getting him ready to go get his CT scan. He just loves it - NOT! I'm thankful that John Bryson has been here to help coax him through it...I think he listens to John better than me! His X-ray this morning was clear of the barium left from his swallow X-ray 2 days ago, so yeah! he will have his scan of his pancreas shortly. We are hoping to find the pancreas has started to shrink, without forming any cysts. I'll let you know what we find out! The lucky guy got to have two IV's put into his arm...however not intentionally - the first one went in the wrong spot. John distracted him through that process too! Thank the Lord for good friends.

Friday, Sept 19....5:15pm

I don't know any details, but Dad won't be able to come home until Monday. All of his regular doctors will be gone over the weekend, and he still hasn't had a scan. Keep praying. Pray that dad won't be too restless this weekend, and that his body will continue to heal. Pray for patience for all of us, and that we will get the rest we need. Thank you all for your prayers and support. I've been reading your comments to my dad, and he has really enjoyed hearing from so many different people.

Sleepless In Salem

Sleepless in Salem :)
September 19th - Day 16
I just spent my 3rd night in a "chair bed" in Robert's room. Nights in the hospital with a man whose sleep pattern is completely out of whack is quite interesting! A friend helped me understand that being on a ventilator heavily medicated and/or in ICU totally disrupts the day / night cycle. The way I can grasp it is by picturing the newborn having been in the womb - suddenly they are outside the womb and they don't have a clue whether it's night or day! That's Robert! Not only has he woken up at 12:30 in the morning, sat up and declared he was done sleeping, he also seems to be what I'm calling "sleep abundunt"...like after being "asleep" for so many days, he just seems to not need very much sleep. The problem is that I was not on a ventilator...and after 15 days of sticking with this man, I am the opposite - sleep deprived! Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending how you view it, last night I was so sleepy I was able to sleep deeper than I have in days. But every 90 minutes or so, Robert would be calling me for one thing or another. At 2:00 am it was to go to the bathroom. After getting back in bed, all covered up, ready to drift off, Robert starts chatting like it is the middle of the day. We talked for about an hour when he said, can we go for a walk? So, 3:15 am, here we go, me with my eyes half open, he with his walker, around the hall for a long loop. At 5:45 am he is calling again. As I open one eye I realize he is sitting on the edge of the bed, grinning, asking me to roll his table closer because “breakfast will be coming”! It’s hard to get impatient with him because of his genuine excitement over eating real food.
Now he’s sleeping…and just as when we had a newborn, I’m wondering if I should wake him and “keep him awake all day so he will sleep tonight” – did that ever really work?!?
…for better or for worse, in sickness and in health…

~Jeanette

Friday September 19 ...12:30 pm

No scan today.
Hopefully tomorrow.
Waiting again.
Practicing "being still" and remembering He is God.

~Jeanette

Friday September 19...10:30 - Day 16

waiting, waiting, waiting!
The scan ordered for this morning has not happened yet.
After one bite of breakfast, I said WAIT, I don't think you can eat if you're having a CT scan. After asking the nurse, she confirmed that to be true. Then she found out he needed an X-ray before the scan to determine whether the barium from his swallow study yesterday is still lingering in his system. If so, that would "block" the scan, making it difficult to read. He just came back from X-ray without getting the scan, and though we haven't heard officially, I think that means the scan will be put off until tomorrow...hurry up and wait once again!
Robert asked me to thank the Whiteaker Middle School staff for the BIG bag of goodies Carol delivered last night. I think I will spread it out on the counter and offer a buffet of treats to anyone who happens to come in! I thank you for thinking of ME and providing the chocolate!!!

~Jeanette

Thur September 18 ...12:15 pm

Things are looking up!
And moving fast. Robert continues to improve in strength and balance. Yesterday he was walking like the "drunk" they suspected he was when he came in here! Today he is not wobbling and weaving nearly as much as yesterday - he had a hard time keeping the walker from "drifiting" as he went down the hall! He did not pass his swallow study today with flying colors, but he does get to graduate from liquids, "pudding thick" to "mechanical soft with easy chew", with thin liquids! This means he now gets, for the first time in 15 days, regular water to drink, but only one sip at a time. He was not only begging for water, but getting sneaky in trying to get some. He is sooo happy! Only he can describe for you what water, orange juice, grape juice and diet 7up are like when they have food starch added to them until they are as thick as pudding! Yuck! He is down getting a shower right now. If he continues to improve as he is doing, he might bust out of here by tomorrow evening!!!
We have so much to be grateful for - we have appreciated all the comments on the blog, the many, many prayers, the help with "sitting" our stuff in the ICU waiting room, the help with food and of course the many coffees delivered to me!
We will see what is learned from his scan tomorrow morning, but we do know that the risk of complications extends over at least the next 9-10 weeks. These risks continue until the pancreas is healed...and there is always the risk he could suffer another attack. Please continue to pray for no infection to develop and for NO MORE PANCREATITIS!!!

~Jeanette

Wed September 17...12:30 pm - Day 14

I know I have been in the hospital too long when the sign on the restroom door made me pause and stare for awhile...it said in big letters, NOT FOR PATIENT USE. After straining my brain for a bit, I was quite confident I am not the patient, at least not yet, and went on in!!! It has been a busy morning. Robert was ready to put on his shorts and slippers this morning at 5:00 am...he wanted to be ready for the Physical Therapist to take him walking. I tried to get him to understand the physical therapist probably wasn't out of bed yet! Today he has seen the Diabetes nurse and the Speech Pathologist...the Physical therapist is headed this way. Robert is rejoicing that the n/j tube came out today. That was the last tube that was keeping him tethered - watch out! He is feeling like a free man!
God has been very gracious in answering our prayers for a turn around of his condition.
Thank our God for His loving kindness!

~Jeanette

Tuesday, September 16...late!

Hospital Lessons

Moving out of ICU today was a complicated process! There were lots of wires to disconnect and lines to unplug. Robert is quite unsteady on his feet, so just getting him into a wheelchair was major. It is amazing how weak one becomes from inactivity. One nurse told me she thought the amount of strength muscles lose for every day spent in bed was 3% - hmmm...he’s operating with about 40% less of where he started. Tomorrow they promised him he can go for a walk…with a walker of course! I wonder how quickly that strength is regained once one starts moving. I guess I’ll soon find out.
The result of physical inactivity should teach us something about spiritual inactivity. Just as physical inactivity causes our body to lose flexibility, and power and the ability for muscles to work properly, spiritual inactivity does exactly the same thing to our soul. We become spiritually weak and susceptible when we are inactive. When we stop asking forgiveness, we begin to be in denial of our own shortcomings, and we wonder why we are becoming hard and inflexible. When we stop “being still”, we cannot see the gracious hand of God, and we wonder why He is not working. When we stop depending on God, we try to do everything on our own, and we wonder why we are so tired. We atrophy spiritually, not realizing the effects of the inactivity. Only through exercise will Robert regain his strength. Here’s a lesson I’ve learned from “living in the hospital”: The ability to stand strong spiritually comes from exercise and there are no shortcuts!

We are in a very nice room with a view! I feel like we moved into a nice motel room compared to where we were, and with fewer machines, there is room for the “chair that turns into a bed” for me! After seeing our room and thinking it was probably one of the best, I walked down the hall and discovered one that was empty of furniture, and it has a sliding door onto a balcony, with a great view. I started saying we should see if we could move in there, when a nurse overheard and said, just keep in mind it is shared between two patients. Now that changed my perspective. Never mind, I’ll keep the private room. Now, several hours later I am so glad for being in here alone with Robert. Looking for a room with the best view was looking at things from my perspective…I was focused on me. Once in the room, it didn’t take long to remember this is not about me, it’s about Robert, the patient…and soon the nice motel room became a place of a lot of activity, with lots of care giving, and quite frankly, I’ve spent most of my time being a servant. And right now, there is nowhere else I want to be than obeying the vows I made years ago.
When we are grow weary, sometimes we long for escape, in fact we demand escape, and declare our “right” to escape. When really all we need is a change of perspective – and honestly that has come more through the quick drive home I made, listening to God’s word on a CD, than it has through the change in view out the window. Here’s a lesson I’ve learned from “living in the hospital”: changing our perspective of a duty we’ve been given takes more of a “relinquishing” than a change of location!

The patient / nurse ratio is certainly different outside of ICU. We don’t see a nurse very often. I was so excited to get Robert into a different room that it was 7 hours before it dawned on me that he had no heart monitor. Oops. After checking the chart, the nurse scurried to get one hooked up. That, along with several other situations would be why I am spending the night here in his room. Patients need an advocate. I haven’t seen anyone come or go from the room next door where there is an elderly patient. I wonder who is their advocate? I wonder how many patients have no one to check on them, no one to observe what is being done correctly or incorrectly and speak up for them? How many are missing something vital to their care and no one has noticed? No one is near who understands how much their weakness and vulnerability need constant attention.
I am so thankful I have an advocate – one who speaks with the Father in my defense. Jesus promises to be my advocate, to stand as my representative when I am weak and unable to stand for myself. He knows when something vital to my care is missing and He advocates for me. Here’s a lesson I’ve learned from “living in the hospital”: There is one who monitors my spiritual heart and knows what lessons I need to learn – I only need to trust Him.
When the rollercoaster begins we need to be spiritually strong, we need the right perspective and we need the assurance of an advocate who has not forgotten us. As I close my eyes tonight with a peaceful heart, I know that He has not forgotten us, here in our room with a view.

~Jeanette