Monday September 29...midnight - already?!?

Robert saw his cardiologist today. Yeah! He is taking him off of two medications, both for heart rhythm. And we continue to be hopeful that he really does not need them! Only time will tell. Robert will have a nuclear stress test at the end of October. Until then we really will not know how much damage there has been to his heart or if there is any blockage. So, hurry up and wait again. But today his EKG showed no irregularities, so we rejoice.
We ran errands after his appointment and then had wonderful friends Lee and Betsy Sellick come for dinner and to assist me in bill paying and other stressful stuff that Robert isn’t up to facing yet. Thank the Lord for such good friends who will spend time on boring stuff like our budget when they have a million more important things to do! Lee witnessed how tired Robert easily becomes when right in the middle of conversation Robert fell asleep…Lee patiently waited for him to wake up and resume talking on the same topic!
I think I’m out of excuses for missing work tomorrow so I had best get some sleep.

~Jeanette

Tests...of Joy???

Tests…of Joy?
Written Sunday night, September 28th

This morning we read a chapter together in a book that was given to us. It was about "tests" that God gives to us. It was well written with many good reminders. I was reflecting on it while I was doing some cleaning today, when all of a sudden the words found in the book of James rolled through my head. "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds..."
Now I don’t have a problem with calling what we have been through a trial – a test of sorts. In fact, we had started a class in August called “The Testing of Your Faith” and we were learning how God brings tests, personally designed for us, to grow our faith. So here we are…a time of pain, uncertainty, challenges and full of inconveniences…and I trust God in this test. He knows where, and when, and for how long to allow the trial, to accomplish what is needed in us. I have been steadfast in trusting Him. I've had resolute faith, determined faith, never-give-up faith, but not joyful faith. I have faced this trial with the same endurance one puts on when hearing, “this is a test, it is only a test…” – and then you sit through the long, high-pitched signal, knowing it is going to end, but not before you get extremely annoyed by it. But today, I remembered the call to consider it pure joy…I haven’t been considering this experience with joy.
I was sweeping down cobwebs and dusting as I pondered what it means to “consider something that is difficult with joy”. I usually do not welcome things that are irritating or annoying with joy – I certainly do not readily receive painful things with joy. Just like the cobwebs I was busy sweeping away, irritating things make me impatient and angry. I get so tired of dusting…cleaning and re-cleaning. As I spied evidence of another spider at work, I asked myself, how can I consider difficulties, like cobwebs, with joy? And immediately I had my answer – by being thankful I have a house where I can sweep away cobwebs!
It all depends on my focus. When I focus on the webs and the dust and the dirt, I get irritated and annoyed, and question the good purpose of spiders. But when I focus on my blessings, including a house, large enough for 4 adults and a dog, with furniture, I can sweep away cobwebs with joy in my heart and consider them insignificant compared to a roof overhead. In fact, I finished my work singing!
We have a long ways to go through this current test, and I’m tempted to worry about what is ahead. So far I like how this test is turning out…Robert is well on the road to recovery. But we don’t know what is coming next in regards to his health – he has to get through some hurdles ahead. And unfortunately we do know what is coming next in regards to our finances…the bills will start arriving shortly, providing us with yet another difficult part of this “test”. When I focus on the pain and the inconvenience and the uncertainty, I can lose patience and get irritated and annoyed. But when I focus on LIFE and RELATIONSHIP and realize our God has already answered MANY, MANY prayers, I can “sweep” away the irritations and annoyances and impatience and relax in joy.
I looked up the words of James in The Message, where it uses different words to say the same thing: “Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides.” That means to think of this time, this pancreatitis episode, as a gift, because God has a purpose in it…receive it as joyfully as one receives a precious gift, given at the precise time, with the right intensity, and, yes, even with the right amount of pain, to accomplish exactly what God has in mind.
I used to not comprehend receiving pain as a “gift” from my God…but after years of watching Him work, I've come to understand it quite well. And my heart sings and rejoices as I recognize my God, my heavenly Father, busy at work in my life, in Robert’s life, in the lives of others, ONLY because in His eyes we are of Great Worth. He will use the trial for our good and for His glory. And that brings me Joy!

James 2-4 Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. (as translated in The Message)

~Jeanette

Sunday September 28...11:00 pm

Well, the weekend slid by rather quickly and quietly. Robert is beginning to get restless. Yesterday we went for a walk on the street - about a block and back. Then at 10pm last night, he said, let's go to Safeway...just to get out of the house. So, off we went to walk the aisles of Safeway! He used a shopping cart as his walker. Today John and Sue Wack from Wisconsin came to visit and we sat outside on the patio - what a gorgeous day - we had a great time catching up with friends. Tonight we walked with Sadie down the street to my parents house - about 2 long blocks. After chatting for awhile, we started back, slowly, then dad came out and offered to drive Robert home and he took him up on it. I guess it looked like a long walk back. So I walked home in the dark with Sadie pulling me and me pulling Robert's walker, while dad drove Robert!
Tomorrow we go to see the cardiologist. We are hoping he will take Robert off of some of the heavy duty medications he is taking. Pray for the Dr to be given wisdom in caring for Robert.

Thanks for the prayers for my brother Mike. He did get to see a neurologist on Friday. He suspects some kind of headache syndrome...and has ordered an MRI. He does not think it is life-threatening. Please continue to pray for relief from the headaches as he waits for a diagnosis and treatment.

~Jeanette

Friday September 26...10:30 pm

Today was a big day - Robert went out of the house! We went to his primary care physician today. It was mainly a "catch the doctor up" appointment. He has received some of the reports from the hospital but not nearly everything. It took him 5 minutes just to write down all the medications Robert is taking! He does think the itching is caused from a reaction to medication - which one he has only a guess. He advised sticking with the Benadryl - just be sleepy for a few more days, it's good for you! - and hopefully when Robert sees his cardiologist on Monday, he may stop the suspicious medication. The doctor did make some insulin adjustments that will hopefully help.
The whole experience has become a bit surreal to me...like, did this really happen, and was it really as life-threatening as I remember. But when the doctor sat in front of Robert today, held his hand, looked him straight in the eye, and said, "I am so glad you are still with us", I realized it really was as serious as I had thought. In fact, Robert reminded me later, he said it to him twice. Robert didn't miss that. He is still trying to get his mind around the whole experience as well...trying to understand how all that could be going on and he was totally asleep, unaware of it all.
The doctor also made me feel better about being so squeamish about Robert's bedsore - when I saw him grimace when he looked at it, I realized it isn't just my own queasy stomach reacting.
Need to just keep doing what we are doing - it takes time to heal.
When we got home from the appointment we had visitors from Redmond - Jerry and Ruth Keller. Thanks for coming you two - it was great to get caught up.
Then Robert crashed - that was more activity than he has had for a long time. He went out today without his walker...he is getting around the house quite well without it, as long as the dog stays out of his way! Steps are still difficult...and he did find out that straight out of bed to the bathroom goes smoother if he hesitates on the side of the bed instead of catching himself on the door frame! It must be difficult to have your mind working great but your body is slow responding.
It sounds like the pancreas heals very slowly. Another 6-8 weeks at best guess.
All in God's time - all in His will.
No more secure place to be.
Good night for now

~Jeanette

Posting a Comment

For all of you who have tried to leave a comment or wanted to but are baffled by "blogging" here are the simple instructions:
On the right hand side of the comment page, is a box with the title: "Leave your comment".
Write the message you want inside the box.
After the box it says: Choose your identity - choose "anonymous".
Then click on "Publish your comment"
That's about the extent of what I know about blogs!
I really appreciate reading the comments. Now Robert is reading them too!

Thursday September 25...8:00pm

It has been a long day. It started with a melt down in the kitchen over how many carbs are in cream of wheat...it should have been simple but it became very complicated. The recipe called for 2 tablespoons of cream of wheat in 1 cup of milk...and then when I read the side of the box to see how many carbs were in one serving, it used a 1/4 of a cup - 1/4 cup of what??? Cooked cream of wheat? Raw cream of wheat? Nothing made sense. So I looked in the carb book, which has been very helpful, and it used 6.5 ounces...how was I supposed to know how many ounces??? I don't have a food scale so there I was stuck - brain freeze, all over Cream of wheat. Why couldn't he just have oatmeal like yesterday? By then I was late getting into the shower and late for my coffee date with 2 friends. When I arrived at Starbucks, there sat the mother I had met in the ICU waiting room. Her son has pancreatitis - he went into the hospital 5 days before Robert. I ignored my friends and chatted with her for 30 minutes. She was so glad to run into me because she had no way of knowing where we were once we left ICU. We had a great time encouraging each other and comparing notes. Unfortunately it sounds like her son has a hard road ahead, probably including surgery. He is a drinker, so that definitely complicates things. We can pray that this will bring life changes in him, especially in his priorities...pray for him to be ready for his "departure date" through reconciliation with his Creator. That is the only thing that makes suffering and pain worthwhile...when it changes us and brings us into a relationship with God, whether for the first time or into a deeper knowing. That was a divine appointment today. I need to learn to trust even melt-downs over cream of wheat to be used in God's arrangements. Had I arrived on time, I would have been sitting across the room and may not have seen her at all.
I tried to work this afternoon. Jerry was there and he refused to let me work on the computer...I think he sensed I am not thinking real clear yet! So I went through some files and tried to get re-oriented. That lasted until Robert called to tell me his upper lip was turning numb. After that I couldn't concentrate so I came home. Thanks Jerry for sticking around and not leaving me with the bulletin to print! After a few hours Robert's lip got better. Not sure what it was about; we will ask the Dr. tomorrow. He sees his primary care physician tomorrow. Pray that he is able to absorb all the different angles to Robert's case and manage it well. Robert's itching is worse again tonight after being better the last 24 hours. We sure would like to know what is causing the itching...it must be a reaction to something, but why would it get better for awhile and then flare up again?
My observation for today: even when you eat foods very low in carbs, they somehow add up very quickly.
The good news of the day: Robert's blood sugars were below 150 every time he tested.
Thanks, Aunt Leola, for sticking with me. I will keep writing if I know at least one person is reading!

~Jeanette

Wednesday September 24...10:30pm

Just a brief update - life is settling in here at home. Robert and I are both still very tired. Robert napped some today. I ran errands and actually went to work for a couple of hours. By the time dinner was over I was wiped out ready for bed! When I brought Robert's dinner to him, he just kept laying there...I reminded him his dinner was ready and he said, sometimes I'm just too tired to sit up. It is apparent he is starting to catch on to the counting carbs game. He asked me if he didn't eat his roll, could he have ice cream?!? Actually, Rosanna bought some low carb ice cream tonight and so he had his 1/2 roll AND ice cream. After about the 4th insulin injection today, he said, this is getting old. The diabetes nurse at the hospital was certain he will be a good candidate for an insulin pump, as he is needing a lot of insulin. He is not producing any and he is very insulin resistant.
I will continue writing because this has become a journal for me. Obviously it may become very boring for you, however, to read about how many naps Robert has in a day and what food choices he is struggling to make! If you continue reading you are either VERY dedicated to Robert and his recovery, or you may need to check in with the excitement level in your life...and look for a different source than this blog!
We certainly still appreciate the prayers. Today I was reading about the different medications he is taking and concluded he is still in desperate need of God's help - if the pancreatitis doesn't get you, the side effects to medications will! The damage to the pancreas and lack of insulin are minor compared with the concerns over his heart and blood clots. I still don't think that filter they put in has small enough holes to catch anything.
Thanks for sticking with us...

~Jeanette

Wednesday, Sept 24......2:30pm

Not much new. Dad is itching a little less, but he's still not sleeping very well. Mom, Robby, and I were able to sleep in this morning, which was really nice. Dad wasn't able to, but he's napping now. He must be getting better...he's getting a bit more demanding. :-) Continue to pray for healing, and that it will be peaceful in our house so Dad won't get stressed. Pray that Mom won't get stressed out with all that there is to do now that everyone is home. All of us are having to adjust in different ways, and it takes a lot of time to get used to how things need to be. Thank you for all your encouraging words and prayers and food!
Continue to pray for my Uncle Mike. He is seeing a neurologist on Friday. Pray that he will be able to see him sooner! Thanks.

Tuesday September 23...midnight or so...

I think I have been more tired than I ever realized. I slept 12 hours last night - got up at 10:30 am and at 2:00 pm I crawled back in bed and slept until 5! When I got up this morning, I found out that Robert had been up and taken his medications, checked blood sugar, eaten breakfast and taken his insulin - all by himself! Wonderful! As the day went on, he was more and more tired too...I think the move home took a lot of energy. Hopefully tomorrow I will be rested enough to get busy. Lots of things to sort through and get set up. Robert is to see all 5 of his doctors in the next two weeks, plus get started at SHAPES, where they will monitor his blood because of taking the Coumadin. The doctors he will see include (and I have no idea how to spell them!) a cardiologist, an endocrinologist, a surgeon, a G-I, as well as his primary physician. He also will start physical therapy and go see a Diabetes Educator. Biggest challenge of today was figuring how many carbohydrates were in the food he ate! He takes insulin based on the number of carbs. Please tell me this will get easier as we learn the basics. Right now it feels overwhelming. Not only is he diabetic, but he also needs to eat low fat since the pancreas gets excited when there is too much fat. We don't want any thing to trigger the pancreas too much because an overactive pancreas could become another pancreatitis attack...and I vote for that to never happen.
Robert just went to sleep so I best too...

~Jeanette

Monday September 22 ...10:00 pm - Day 19

HE'S HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We left the hospital with MANY instructions about 6:45 pm
We stopped at Walgreens to fill 10 prescriptions and waited about an hour - home by 8:15 pm.
Robert and I are both EXHAUSTED and feel like we can sleep for 3 days.
I cried on the way home remembering 10 -15 days ago...when I did not know if I would ever bring him home again. God is gracious and good.
Today he learned that the damage in his pancreas is such that it is not producing any insulin. Dr's do not hold much hope of that being restored.
God has his plans and we embrace what He gives us, knowing that He has our ultimate good in mind.
thanks and good night

~Jeanette

Monday, Sept 22......Departure Day!

So, I just talked to Mom......and Dad is coming home today! They still have to meet with some doctors and get a lot of paper work done, which means they won't be home till tonight. But how exciting! Unfortunately, this is not the end of our journey but we rejoice in the little things. Please continue to pray for healing as his body continues to get better. Pray that there won't be any set backs, and that all of us will be able to get the rest and energy we need this week. Pray for patience and understanding as each of us will have to adjust and change how we do things at home. Thank you for all your support and prayers. God is answering them one by one, and we thank Him for all that He has done for us and will continue to do for us.

Monday September 22...12:30 pm - Day 19

Waiting.
Still waiting.
Robert had a great night sleeping - he didn't get out of bed once! We didn't even have our middle of the night walk. The Benadryl had him sleeping like a baby. I on the other hand...I wasn't sleepy...and I was busy (see blog below!)
Hopefully he will see Dr's soon and we will learn when his discharge will be.

Departure Date

Departure Date
Written during the night of September 21st and the early morning hours of the 22nd…

Every since we arrived I have had one thing continuously in the back of my mind: when can Robert go home? When will he be discharged? It is the question most often asked by others: what does the Doctor say about when he will get to go home? And so I have lived every one of the last 18 days with that day in mind, but without knowing what the actual date will be. Planning for that day has meant many of my conversations about the future have included the phrase, “it depends on whether Robert is home yet”. It has meant keeping his clothes ready in my van – the ones I put in there the morning of Day 3 because I was hopeful that would be the day he would improve and be sent home. It has meant spending time preparing the house for his return – clearing some obstacles to make room for his walker and cleaning some clutter in anticipation of his needs. It has meant me assuming his chores because life goes on and I can’t just neglect them until he is well and gets around to it. The dog needs her medicine daily. The bills need to be paid. And speaking of bills, I haven’t had that duty for years and would rather not take it on now. But because I don’t have an exact date he will come home, nor an exact date or promise of when he will be well – I have to sharpen some rusty skills and perform my duty to him while waiting. In fact, I have to be prepared and willing to take it on indefinitely, knowing that less stress on him will help him heal.
Planning and preparing for him to come home without knowing the actual date, makes me wish I could know the date in advance. I wish I had “Departure Day” circled on my calendar in red ink, so I could plan. Knowing an actual date begins a countdown. Things are planned, anticipated, prioritized and scheduled accordingly. But because I don’t know the actual date, I live everyday hopeful it will be tomorrow, and have tried to be prepared.
I am wondering if I have everything ready. What am I going to wish I would have taken care of if the Dr says in the morning, this is the day? Have I used the time waiting in the best possible way?
This experience has certainly helped me re-prioritize some things:
· I’ve taken time to say important things that I can easily neglect and put off
· Relationships with people have moved up the scale
· Much of the busy-ness of life has been put on hold – I’ve let go of things I thought absolutely had to happen
Why does it take a life-threatening illness, a sudden turn of events to remind us of what is valuable in life? I’ve learned that when a loved one is on a ventilator it is too late to say and do…and all that is left is hope for another chance.
As I sit in our room tonight, hopeful our departure is tomorrow, I can’t help but think of another departure day that always sticks in the back of my mind, even though I don’t know the actual date. I believe there is on God’s calendar, a departure day for each one of us. It is a day in our date book, when we are scheduled to depart life on earth and enter into life apart from this earth. I believe that date was entered into our Day-timer by God, before we drew our first breath. It’s a decided date, more certain than every holiday, wedding, graduation, or medical appointment scheduled in our Day-timer. And just as every important date in our Day-timer approaches with much planning, anticipation, preparation, and excitement or dread as we count down the days, so our Departure Date should be looked at the same way…the only difference being we don’t know the actual date. It still should be the overriding focus of our life, always in the back of our minds.
It is a day when we will either enter into the eternal kingdom of God or we will not, and which will happen is determined by how we have prepared for that day before it arrives. I fear many people have forgotten they have that date already in their Day-timer – forgotten they are marking off the days, and they will not be prepared. Preparing for that departure day is easy to put off when we don’t actually know the exact date.
The Maker of Heaven and Earth, the Creator of all life, has made it abundantly clear that the only ones who will enter into His Kingdom of Light and Life are the ones who lived in relationship with the King while still on this earth – those who made preparation to meet Him face to face by being reconciled to Him through the redemptive sacrifice of His Son’s death on the cross, as well as by bowing their heart and knee to His Authority over all things. And to the unprepared, to those who think they will make time for Relationship later, He will say, depart from me – I’m sorry but I never knew you – I never had a relationship with you while you were on earth. So you will depart to a place outside of My Kingdom…a place where the Light and Life of the King are completely absent…and it will be a day of Great Regret for not preparing while there was opportunity.
As I have reflected on the importance of being ready for our departure date, a line from a song has repeated over and over in my mind: “I don’t want to gain the whole world and lose my soul.” Of course, it refers to the words of Jesus: “What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul? For the Son of Man is going to come in His Father’s glory with His angels, and then He will reward each person according to what he has done.” Life has a way of deceiving us about what is most important…Our Maker reminds us there is nothing more important than preparing for departure from this life.
Just as I have made preparation for Robert to be discharged out into life away from the hospital, before I know the actual date, so we all must prepare to be discharged into life away from this earth before our Departure Date actually arrives. Because of my close relationship with Robert, I’ve made changes in our daily life so we are ready for his arrival at home. Living in close relationship with the King now means making changes in our daily life on earth so we are ready for arrival at our new, eternal home. It means submitting to our King, serving our King, and letting go of all that belongs to the kingdom of this world – clearing out obstacles and cleaning up clutter, sharpening some rusty skills and performing my duties faithfully to my King. It means not neglecting the important priorities that belong to the Kingdom of God.
I’ve been anticipating with joy Robert’s departure date every since he was admitted to the hospital…and I remain hopeful it will be today!
I don’t know when my Departure Date from this life is coming, but I want to be so ready I can anticipate it with joy…and because I will see my Savior, my God, my King face to face, I live everyday with that day in mind, without knowing what the actual date will be…and I wait, hopeful it will come soon.

~Jeanette

Sunday September 21...11:00 pm - Day 18

Okay, okay. I take one day off and some of you are already asking when the blog for the day will be posted! This was a great day, which was needed after a rough night. Another allergic reaction to some unknown source kept Robert from sleeping last night...and it kept me providing him with wet wash cloths to bring some relief to the nonstop itching. We made our nightly tour at about 3:3o am and inbetween it all I did get some sleep. Because he didn't have a procedure to get ready for this morning, I actually stayed in bed much later than the usual 6:45 am. We had a very mellow day because Robert finally was given Benadryl, which made him very sleepy. I was able to have breakfast with my sister, Connie, who has been here from California since Thursday. Then we spent the morning in Robert's room with Rosanna. Later my mom and dad and Robby came and we all went out for a wonderful lunch at McGraths. Robert hardly noticed we were gone - he really slept a lot. Sure glad one of us got caught up after our wakeful night!
The best news of today was the results of yesterday's CT scan. The Dr reported no evidence of increased damage to the pancreas, no sign of infection, and noted it actually had decreased slightly in size. The Dr. said it appears it is moving in the right direction! Which hopefully means we are moving in the right direction - HOME! We are hopeful to depart this place TOMORROW!!! It would be later in the day - discharge from 4 Dr's, a Diabetes nurse, and a Speech pathologist could take most of the day. Robert has never been on insulin for his diabetes before this life-changing event, but he will go home with the new skill of giving himself injections. They have been letting him practice here. It appears the damage to his pancreas means it is producing very, very little or no insulin at this time. Sometimes over time the pancreas can experience some restoration, so it remains to be seen what the permanent outcome will be.
Grateful tonight for the wonderful help my sister and mom have been in helping me at home while I have been here at the hospital. Connie is flying home tomorrow morning.
Grateful for your prayers and for the many gracious answers from the Lord. Some of you may have wondered why I stopped emailing specific requests...it is because I have been spending night and day here since last Tuesday, and my email stopped working! I guess it doesn't like the hospital internet connections!
Please continue to pray for my brother Mike. (see yesterday's blog)
Thank you very much,

~Jeanette

Sat September 20 - 11:oo pm

Well, as we supposed, we didn't get a report today on the scan of his pancreas. But we have learned that the longer you stay in the hospital when you are starting to feel well enough to go home, the more "testy" you get! We also learned that only about 6 visitors, 1 patient and 2 nurses with their computer on wheels, can fit in the room comfortably. But most importantly we found out today that if a nurse puts an extra IV in an unnecessary spot, the hospital quickly brings in gift cards to your favorite restaurants!
Hopefully tomorrow we will have a restful, mellow day with no more all liquid food trays and no procedures to wait and wait and wait for transport to come with the gurney.
Thanks for walking with us.
On another note, would you please pray for my younger brother, Mike. He has been ill for 3 weeks with a severe headache and vomiting, among other things. After ruling out many things, West Nile virus is still suspected, even though the test came back negative. Pray that he will get in to see the right Dr's much faster than predicted and find some answers and relief. Thanks - we know first hand that prayers make a BIG difference in how things are handled.

~Jeanette

Saturday September 20...12:30 pm - Day 17

Robert is sitting on the edge of his bed finishing his second bottle of "Creamy Vanilla Smoothie" - Barium Sulfate...getting him ready to go get his CT scan. He just loves it - NOT! I'm thankful that John Bryson has been here to help coax him through it...I think he listens to John better than me! His X-ray this morning was clear of the barium left from his swallow X-ray 2 days ago, so yeah! he will have his scan of his pancreas shortly. We are hoping to find the pancreas has started to shrink, without forming any cysts. I'll let you know what we find out! The lucky guy got to have two IV's put into his arm...however not intentionally - the first one went in the wrong spot. John distracted him through that process too! Thank the Lord for good friends.

Friday, Sept 19....5:15pm

I don't know any details, but Dad won't be able to come home until Monday. All of his regular doctors will be gone over the weekend, and he still hasn't had a scan. Keep praying. Pray that dad won't be too restless this weekend, and that his body will continue to heal. Pray for patience for all of us, and that we will get the rest we need. Thank you all for your prayers and support. I've been reading your comments to my dad, and he has really enjoyed hearing from so many different people.

Sleepless In Salem

Sleepless in Salem :)
September 19th - Day 16
I just spent my 3rd night in a "chair bed" in Robert's room. Nights in the hospital with a man whose sleep pattern is completely out of whack is quite interesting! A friend helped me understand that being on a ventilator heavily medicated and/or in ICU totally disrupts the day / night cycle. The way I can grasp it is by picturing the newborn having been in the womb - suddenly they are outside the womb and they don't have a clue whether it's night or day! That's Robert! Not only has he woken up at 12:30 in the morning, sat up and declared he was done sleeping, he also seems to be what I'm calling "sleep abundunt"...like after being "asleep" for so many days, he just seems to not need very much sleep. The problem is that I was not on a ventilator...and after 15 days of sticking with this man, I am the opposite - sleep deprived! Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending how you view it, last night I was so sleepy I was able to sleep deeper than I have in days. But every 90 minutes or so, Robert would be calling me for one thing or another. At 2:00 am it was to go to the bathroom. After getting back in bed, all covered up, ready to drift off, Robert starts chatting like it is the middle of the day. We talked for about an hour when he said, can we go for a walk? So, 3:15 am, here we go, me with my eyes half open, he with his walker, around the hall for a long loop. At 5:45 am he is calling again. As I open one eye I realize he is sitting on the edge of the bed, grinning, asking me to roll his table closer because “breakfast will be coming”! It’s hard to get impatient with him because of his genuine excitement over eating real food.
Now he’s sleeping…and just as when we had a newborn, I’m wondering if I should wake him and “keep him awake all day so he will sleep tonight” – did that ever really work?!?
…for better or for worse, in sickness and in health…

~Jeanette

Friday September 19 ...12:30 pm

No scan today.
Hopefully tomorrow.
Waiting again.
Practicing "being still" and remembering He is God.

~Jeanette

Friday September 19...10:30 - Day 16

waiting, waiting, waiting!
The scan ordered for this morning has not happened yet.
After one bite of breakfast, I said WAIT, I don't think you can eat if you're having a CT scan. After asking the nurse, she confirmed that to be true. Then she found out he needed an X-ray before the scan to determine whether the barium from his swallow study yesterday is still lingering in his system. If so, that would "block" the scan, making it difficult to read. He just came back from X-ray without getting the scan, and though we haven't heard officially, I think that means the scan will be put off until tomorrow...hurry up and wait once again!
Robert asked me to thank the Whiteaker Middle School staff for the BIG bag of goodies Carol delivered last night. I think I will spread it out on the counter and offer a buffet of treats to anyone who happens to come in! I thank you for thinking of ME and providing the chocolate!!!

~Jeanette

Thur September 18 ...12:15 pm

Things are looking up!
And moving fast. Robert continues to improve in strength and balance. Yesterday he was walking like the "drunk" they suspected he was when he came in here! Today he is not wobbling and weaving nearly as much as yesterday - he had a hard time keeping the walker from "drifiting" as he went down the hall! He did not pass his swallow study today with flying colors, but he does get to graduate from liquids, "pudding thick" to "mechanical soft with easy chew", with thin liquids! This means he now gets, for the first time in 15 days, regular water to drink, but only one sip at a time. He was not only begging for water, but getting sneaky in trying to get some. He is sooo happy! Only he can describe for you what water, orange juice, grape juice and diet 7up are like when they have food starch added to them until they are as thick as pudding! Yuck! He is down getting a shower right now. If he continues to improve as he is doing, he might bust out of here by tomorrow evening!!!
We have so much to be grateful for - we have appreciated all the comments on the blog, the many, many prayers, the help with "sitting" our stuff in the ICU waiting room, the help with food and of course the many coffees delivered to me!
We will see what is learned from his scan tomorrow morning, but we do know that the risk of complications extends over at least the next 9-10 weeks. These risks continue until the pancreas is healed...and there is always the risk he could suffer another attack. Please continue to pray for no infection to develop and for NO MORE PANCREATITIS!!!

~Jeanette

Wed September 17...12:30 pm - Day 14

I know I have been in the hospital too long when the sign on the restroom door made me pause and stare for awhile...it said in big letters, NOT FOR PATIENT USE. After straining my brain for a bit, I was quite confident I am not the patient, at least not yet, and went on in!!! It has been a busy morning. Robert was ready to put on his shorts and slippers this morning at 5:00 am...he wanted to be ready for the Physical Therapist to take him walking. I tried to get him to understand the physical therapist probably wasn't out of bed yet! Today he has seen the Diabetes nurse and the Speech Pathologist...the Physical therapist is headed this way. Robert is rejoicing that the n/j tube came out today. That was the last tube that was keeping him tethered - watch out! He is feeling like a free man!
God has been very gracious in answering our prayers for a turn around of his condition.
Thank our God for His loving kindness!

~Jeanette

Tuesday, September 16...late!

Hospital Lessons

Moving out of ICU today was a complicated process! There were lots of wires to disconnect and lines to unplug. Robert is quite unsteady on his feet, so just getting him into a wheelchair was major. It is amazing how weak one becomes from inactivity. One nurse told me she thought the amount of strength muscles lose for every day spent in bed was 3% - hmmm...he’s operating with about 40% less of where he started. Tomorrow they promised him he can go for a walk…with a walker of course! I wonder how quickly that strength is regained once one starts moving. I guess I’ll soon find out.
The result of physical inactivity should teach us something about spiritual inactivity. Just as physical inactivity causes our body to lose flexibility, and power and the ability for muscles to work properly, spiritual inactivity does exactly the same thing to our soul. We become spiritually weak and susceptible when we are inactive. When we stop asking forgiveness, we begin to be in denial of our own shortcomings, and we wonder why we are becoming hard and inflexible. When we stop “being still”, we cannot see the gracious hand of God, and we wonder why He is not working. When we stop depending on God, we try to do everything on our own, and we wonder why we are so tired. We atrophy spiritually, not realizing the effects of the inactivity. Only through exercise will Robert regain his strength. Here’s a lesson I’ve learned from “living in the hospital”: The ability to stand strong spiritually comes from exercise and there are no shortcuts!

We are in a very nice room with a view! I feel like we moved into a nice motel room compared to where we were, and with fewer machines, there is room for the “chair that turns into a bed” for me! After seeing our room and thinking it was probably one of the best, I walked down the hall and discovered one that was empty of furniture, and it has a sliding door onto a balcony, with a great view. I started saying we should see if we could move in there, when a nurse overheard and said, just keep in mind it is shared between two patients. Now that changed my perspective. Never mind, I’ll keep the private room. Now, several hours later I am so glad for being in here alone with Robert. Looking for a room with the best view was looking at things from my perspective…I was focused on me. Once in the room, it didn’t take long to remember this is not about me, it’s about Robert, the patient…and soon the nice motel room became a place of a lot of activity, with lots of care giving, and quite frankly, I’ve spent most of my time being a servant. And right now, there is nowhere else I want to be than obeying the vows I made years ago.
When we are grow weary, sometimes we long for escape, in fact we demand escape, and declare our “right” to escape. When really all we need is a change of perspective – and honestly that has come more through the quick drive home I made, listening to God’s word on a CD, than it has through the change in view out the window. Here’s a lesson I’ve learned from “living in the hospital”: changing our perspective of a duty we’ve been given takes more of a “relinquishing” than a change of location!

The patient / nurse ratio is certainly different outside of ICU. We don’t see a nurse very often. I was so excited to get Robert into a different room that it was 7 hours before it dawned on me that he had no heart monitor. Oops. After checking the chart, the nurse scurried to get one hooked up. That, along with several other situations would be why I am spending the night here in his room. Patients need an advocate. I haven’t seen anyone come or go from the room next door where there is an elderly patient. I wonder who is their advocate? I wonder how many patients have no one to check on them, no one to observe what is being done correctly or incorrectly and speak up for them? How many are missing something vital to their care and no one has noticed? No one is near who understands how much their weakness and vulnerability need constant attention.
I am so thankful I have an advocate – one who speaks with the Father in my defense. Jesus promises to be my advocate, to stand as my representative when I am weak and unable to stand for myself. He knows when something vital to my care is missing and He advocates for me. Here’s a lesson I’ve learned from “living in the hospital”: There is one who monitors my spiritual heart and knows what lessons I need to learn – I only need to trust Him.
When the rollercoaster begins we need to be spiritually strong, we need the right perspective and we need the assurance of an advocate who has not forgotten us. As I close my eyes tonight with a peaceful heart, I know that He has not forgotten us, here in our room with a view.

~Jeanette

Tuesday September 16...11:00 am

Well, well, well.
Robert is making progress!
They will move him out of ICU as soon as a room is available. This is very good news. He is a lot more alert today, his voice is stronger and his numbers are all good and staying stable. He is very irritated at the n/j tube up his nose however, and asks everyone who enters the room, when he can have it taken out. He is having some expected confusion - getting him out of ICU should help tremendously.
I have been told repeatedly that pancreatitis causes damage to other organs. We learned yesterday that Robert did have a small heart attack. The cardiologist explained that when the pancreatitis is so severe, it sends quite a shock to the heart. When he is back on his feet, they will take a closer look to see if there is any reason to be concerned. He said it caused a very small amount of damage to the heart.
I am spending more and more time in his room because he is very aware when I am not in there! So I will update when I can. Pray for sleep - he hasn't had much! Come to think of it, neither have I...pray for us both to rest.

~Jeanette

Monday, Sept 15....11:40am

Today is a good day!!!! The doctor is hopeful that Dad could be moved out of ICU tomorrow. Yay! Pray that Dad will be well enough tomorrow to be moved. Dad is even more alert today, and just as funny as ever. He told Mom and I that he keeps seeing snow in the distance, and there are eskimo bears with boomerangs. Dad is looking so much better. He still can't talk in a normal voice, but it is a little easier to tell what he is saying. He doesn't have an infection, so he is no longer in isolation. Praise God!!! Mom and I are so excited about his improvements, and the possiblity that he will get out of ICU soon. Pray that he continues to breath well on his own, and that the pancreas will start healing. Keep praying that he will continue to get better, and that he'll keep his sense of humor. We continue to praise God for His wonderful blessings, but also know that there is still a long road a head of us.

God has provided for our family in some awesome ways this last week and a half. I wanted to share a story with you. The day I flew back to Oregon from Nebraska was a very trying day. It started out good and quickly went south. I got to the airport in Omaha, checked in, and went to find my gate. I ended up running into a friend from Multnomah. We were in the same dorm section my freshman year of college. She had been in South Dakota for a funeral, and was flying back to Portland on the same flight I was on, and we had the same layover in Salt Lake City. I called Mom before I left, and things seemed to be doing ok. But when I got to Salt Lake City, things had gotten worse with my dad. Well, my friend Emily (from college) and I decided to hang out together to help the 3 1/2 hour layover to go a bit more quickly. We had dinner together, and just spent time talking. It was hard having to wait and not be able to fly back right away to be with my family, but it was definitely a God thing that I would run into a friend who happened to be on the same flights I was on. I know it would have been a lot harder if I was by myself, but God knew my need and my impatience and sent someone to help encourage me and help the time go by quicker.
Waiting has become our families theme word. I believe that God has a reason for everything, and I believe He has multiple reasons for what has happened/happening to Dad. For me, I have been learning what it means to have faith, trust, and patience. It is hard not knowing what is going to happen tomorrow or next week or next month. I'm learning to take things one day at a time....literally. It hasn't been easy, especially since I would like to start my new job sooner rather than later. God reminds me each and every day that He is in control and knows what is best for me....and for my dad. I am so thankful for such an amazing and loving God. Because He sent His Son to die on the cross to save us from our sins, I have such an amazing hope in Him. No matter what happens with my dad, my hope is in the Lord.

Sunday September 14...10:30 pm

IT WAS A GOOD DAY!!!
Robert woke up from his very long, RESTFUL sleep after the Benadryl, and asked where I was. He told the nurse to call me to bring his clothes so he could go to work! He said some really funny things, but mostly he is just confused about what happened. He said things like, I don't remember how I got here, and, does this hospital have food and water? and when I told him he has been in ICU for 11 days, he said, 24 hour care? He didn't know why he was in the hospital, so I told him he has pancreatitis and asked if he has heard of it. He nodded yes...and then said, "drinkers have it"! He grinned when I told him the Dr's think he is one!
It was a good day!

"Praise the Lord,
Praise the Lord,
Let the earth hear His voice!
Praise the Lord,
Praise the Lord,
Let the people rejoice!
O, come to the Father thru Jesus the Son,
and give Him the glory - great things He has done!"

~Jeanette

Sunday September 14...1:00 pm

YEAH!!!! (That's one exclamation point for each one in our family - Robert, Jeanette, Rosanna and Robby)
They extabated (sp?) him today so the tube that was making him crazy is out!
When I told him they were taking it out and that was good news, he nodded harder than ever.
He is trying to talk - the first words we could understand were, "when can I go home?" The next word was after I told him it is Sunday morning and the kids are at church. He started mumbling something and the only word I could understand was "church". I finally asked him if he was asking about Sunday School at church and he nodded yes. I told him everything at church is looked after and he relaxed. Next the word I could understand was "house" and sure enough, he wanted to know about the gravel and drainage ditch project we were in the middle of completing. So, his mind went to the very last conversations we had 11 days ago. Right before the attack, the last conversation I remember, we were discussing his need to find a Sunday School teacher. It's like his brain today picked up where it left off! I asked if he was hot and he said yes - the rash appears to be like a heat rash - everywhere something is against him, the rash is the worst. So I told him that he has pulled off every robe they have put on him. I said to Richard, his current safety companion, this man must like to be naked...and Robert grinned and we could tell he chuckled by the way his belly moved!
I look forward to now concentrating on what comes next...I haven't talked to the Dr about the condition of his pancreas, so hopefully soon I will know what the next focus will be. So far today his heart is stable and his breathing and oxygen are stable.
That's good news.
This is a good day.

~Jeanette

Saturday Sept 13...11:30 pm

Isolation. What an interesting addition to an already complicated set of circumstances. It seems they believe he has a bacteria commonly found in hospitals...they won't know for sure until Monday. Meanwhile they must take precautions, so we don plastic gowns and rubber gloves before entering his room. My first clue was the large red stop sign hanging in his doorway. Then his new nurse (at least we had Stacy for two days in a row...sigh) stopped me and explained what was going on. What else can happen to this man?!? He has wires attached to electrodes all over his body. He has lots of tubes going into him and tubes going out of him. Now he has a creeping red rash, which gets worse with heat - so anywhere he is in contact with the sheets or pillows that support him, it is really bad. He gets stuck in his finger or ear lobe every hour to test his blood sugar...every hour, 24 hours a day, for 10 days and counting. He can't really swallow - he's gagging on a tube down his throat. When he turns his head side to side it tugs on the tube that goes down his nose. Through that tube he gets to have food that, in Robby's words, looks like its already been digested. He can't roll over...he can't sit up. Because of the restraints, he can't raise his arms more than about 5 inches. He slides down his bed because his upper body has to be elevated. Every two hours the "lift team" comes and hoists him back up to the top of his bed. When he slides he can't stretch his legs out because they shortened the bed to try to keep him in it. He probably has the beginnings of bed sores - who knows - I haven't seen his back side for 10 days. His pancreas is still swollen about 5 times of normal. His heart is still beating much faster than it should be for one who is lying in bed. He has had at least different 16 nurses in 10 days...that is just the RN's - probably also about that many CNA's.
And now he has an intestinal bug. In the healthy it would be a groaner. In him, it may upset the fluid levels they have been fighting to get into balance.
I noticed several more stop signs appeared in doorways of patients rooms today.
I still hate pancreatitis.

~Jeanette

Saturday, Sept 13....1:30pm

So, today is our bad day. Dad may have a bowel infection that is common but really contagious, and so he is in isolation. We will be spending more time in the waiting room today then we thought. Dad won't be able to have the ventilator out yet, and his heart rate is up some. He's restless and more awake, but that means the ventilator will be more irritating then before. So we wait again...

Friday Sept 12...6:30 pm

Wow, what a difference 3 hours made today!
I had to go out for awhile and when I came back he was doing so much better! Maybe I should leave more often...or maybe it is the food he is finally receiving...although hanging there in the bag it doesn't exactly look appetizing...
If they can get his ventilator tube out tomorrow, the nurse thinks he will make some great improvements. Last night the Dr. cautiously said he hoped we were reaching the valley. This morning I thought the valley was beautiful - now I'm ready to start the climb up and out of here! But to be honest I haven't heard much about what's coming next...and so far I've learned there is always something. I guess tomorrow when they get the tube out I'll start to see what is next.
Thank you so much for your support and prayers. God has done some incredible things. Glory to His name.

~Jeanette

Friday, Sept 12....4pm

The doctor decided not to take the ventilator tube out today. Please pray that dad will rouse and be more alert. Again, thank you all so much for your prayers, encouraging words, food, and hugs. They have helped us so much. We can't wait to show dad this blog when he's more alert so he can see how many people care about him and have been praying for him. Please pray that he will be able to breath on his own well enough that he won't need any assistance, and that it will be uphill from here. Thank you!

Friday Sept 12...3:00

oops, of course I meant cardioverted, not cardiovented!
And the other good news I forgot to report is that his kidneys are working well...no kidney failure yet!
They have not removed the tube yet...it's another hurry up and wait situation.

Friday, Sept 12, 2008...1:30 pm

This has been a busy day! Obviously, because I haven’t had time to put anything on here. To answer the most important question first, yes, Steve, the ice cream was vanilla!
The good news I received last night right before I left for home was that we are not looking at surgery right now, and the damaged portion of the pancreas has not increased.
This morning they have made the decision to remove the ventilator. And they cardio vented (electric shock) and his heart is back in a sinus (sp?) rhythm. Praise God. It has been a busy, somewhat difficult day but still overall we are getting some very encouraging news. Please pray for his heart to stay regular and the heart rate to stay down as he begins breathing totally on his own. Rosanna and I are eating our breakfast / lunch.
We hope and pray that we are in the valley of the decline – if so it is all upward from here!!!

~Jeanette

Thursday Sept 11, 2008

It has been a busy day.
Robert is now getting nutrition through his n/j tube - the first food in 6 days! Yippee!!!
He also was able to get the CT scan and needle aspiration. I am waiting to talk to the Dr. to get some results of the scan. The best part of today was the fact they could do two procedures in the same day - he stayed stable enough to do that! Yesterday they couldn't even do one.
He has continued to respond more and more. He opened his eyes on command twice! The first time Robby and my dad were in the room with me, as well as two nurses...when those eyes fluttered and stayed open a second or two, we all cheered. Later the Dr. asked Robert to open his eyes and he actually turned his head toward the Dr and opened them for a few seconds! Response is GOOD!
They have backed off the ventilator some and he is breathing more on his own. If he stays stable tonight the Dr is hopeful there will be positive changes tomorrow.
Robby has seen his dad the last two days in a row...and handled it very well. This means he is recovering from the initial shock he experienced on his first visit. ICU is a scary place when you haven't experience it.
Rosanna is at work this evening - I have two friends with me...it's been a "good" day. I celebrated with ice cream!

~Jeanette

Thursday Sept 11, 2008

I just heard some good news - we will have the same nurse for 3 days in a row. That is such a relief. She is the 4th day nurse in 4 days and that makes the continuity of communication so difficult. At least that is the plan now...I've learned plans do change here so please ask the Father for Stacy to remain assigned to Robert.
My brother Brian's comment to my roller coaster blog had such a great reminder in it that I want to share it here:
"when we pray for Him to calm the storm that is raging around us, sometimes He does. More often though, He lets the storm rage - and calms us."
I love that reminder because we need to remember His plan may not be about healing physically right now...the trial may be for other purposes...like making roots of faith grow deeper. We get focused on the healing and getting better and when it doesn't we begin to ask, where is God - why isn't He moving, when in reality He IS moving, but in a direction we can't recognize yet!
There are minor complications right now about getting the n/j tube settled so we are waiting to hear what's next.

~ Jeanette

Thur Sept. 11, 2008 1:00 pm

Good Morning - only now I see that it is afternoon...

we came in late today because I slept more than I have in a week and then we had errands to take care of. He was scheduled to have a CT scan this morning and a needle aspiration of the pancreas to look for infection. That was bumped to allow the n/j nutrition tube to be inserted - his heart has stabilized enough to allow them to do that. That should make him happy since he has had nothing to eat for 6 days...adding some food may get his metabolism working faster and that will help medications move through his system faster...i.e. help him come out of the sedation and get more wakeful so they can make sure everything is still working.
They hope to still do the CT scan this afternoon - it is still a priority also because his white blood cell count contines to climb.
So far it is a "good" day! And the pattern continues...I'm so thankful we have not had two bad days in a row! I might clarify that "good" does not mean he is getting better...it means he is either staying the same or not getting worse.
The day is only half over, so thank you for praying for the rest to continue to be a good day!

~Jeanette

Waiting and the Unknown.....

Mom keeps urging me to write how I'm doing through this whole thing, but I will warn you, I'm not the writer she is.
I'm going to start at the beginning of this whole thing. Last Wednesday afternoon, I left to go to Nebraska for a job interview. Wedensday night is when my dad got sick. My time in Nebraska was great, but it was hard at the same time knowing that my dad was in the hospital and I couldn't be there until Saturday night. For those who don't know, there is an Christian organization called Grace Children's Home in Henderson, Nebraska. They take care of at risk youth and wards of the state. They have a houseparent position open right now that I applied for. I really liked what I saw, and was impressed with how well they run the homes. I had two full days there, then I came back late Saturday night. They told me on Saturday that they would like to have me work for them, if that is where I felt God wanted me to be. I had a layover in Salt Lake City on the way back, and found out from Mom that things were a lot worse than we thought. So, for the last five days, I have pretty much lived at the hospital with my mom. It has been really hard having to wait so much, and not knowing what is going to happen in the end...with anything. Sunday morning, I was talking with my mom about this job opportunity and if I should take it. She told me that any time she is faced with this kind of a decision she asks herself "Which would take more faith...taking the job or not taking the job?" On Monday, I called the program director at Grace Children's Home, and told him that I want to work for them, but I have no idea when I would be out there because I don't know what is going to happen with my dad. He told me that was fine, and the would start some paper work going ans we would just have to stay in touch. So I think that means I have a new job, but I have no idea when I can start that new job.
I really don't like the unknown. Every time I ask God "why did you let this happen now?" I hear Him say "because it takes the most faith. Trust Me". I'm finding out with all this waiting that it is hard not to trust God with what is going on....because I can't do anything else. I can't do anything to help my dad get better except for praying and trusting in my wonderful, loving Savior to do what He does best. I've said before, that dad is in God's hands...the best place he can be. God will do what brings Him the most glory. I have learned this through other difficult times, and it is just as true in this situation as it was then. That doesn't mean I stop praying for healing or anything. It just means, I know that God knows what is best even if that will hurt me for a time being. He is good, and that will never change.
I love my dad a lot. Growing up he would tell me "If all the Rosannas in the world were lined up, I would still choose you." I would sometimes roll my eyes thinking, "right, like there's that many rosannas and they would never all be lined up". But it was his way of telling me how much he loved me. I know that my dad is a believer, and no matter what happens I will always have the comfort of seeing him in heaven again. We are only here for a short time, and my dad's time here on earth has obviously blessed many of you. That is his testimony to his Creator and Savior. I hope he will have more time here to bless us and all of you some more, but we just don't know what will happen. Keep praying, and trust that God knows what He is doing.
There is a song that I want to leave you with. It keeps poping into my head, so I think I should share it with you.

"Praise You In This Storm" by Casting Crowns

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You
But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth


~Rosanna (Robert's daughter)

Wed Sept 10...9:50 pm

Well, Robert is responding a little bit, with some movement and eye flutter. It took a lot of medication to sedate this man, so it will take awhile to get it out of his system. This is not only a roller coaster, but a balancing act. One nurse told me it is like driving a car and drifting to the left, overcorrecting and drifting to the right, overcorrecting and drifting...drifting...that's what I feel like I am doing...I think I best be going to go home and try to sleep! Good night.

Wednesday, Sept 10....4pm

The nurse just came out and told us that the doctor thinks dad is too unstable right now to be able to put the n/j tube in. They are going to wait till tomorrow to see how dad is doing before putting the n/j tube in. Pray that dad's heart rate will come down and blood pressure will stablize. Continue to pray for strength for mom and me as we continue to wait...and wait...and wait.

Wednesday, Sept 10...2:45

The doctor had said yesterday Robert would get a nutrition tube today and he is getting that put in now. It is called a n/j tube and it delivers nutrition into the small intestine, so it will not activate the pancreas. Since he is off the sedative and morphine, his heart rate is going back up...and the roller coaster continues...
It was rather funny when the nurse this morning, after reporting all his numbers to us and things were turning down abit, she said, "it's just the roller coaster"! Patty and I thought she must have read my blog!
thanks for the prayers - he is still a very sick man.
Ellie - I am so sorry I missed you yesterday. Thank you for coming.

~Jeanette

Wednesday, Sept 10 ...2:30

this is Jeanette, the wife...the doctor just came to see Robert because he has been so slow to respond when the sedative and the morphine were removed. Praise God, he is slowly making some response and the doctor believes the medications are just very slow in leaving his system. He is hopeful Robert will begin to "help" himself breath as the day goes on today.

Wednesday, Sept 10th....11:00am

He is following the pattern...it appears it may be a bad day (so far). They have taken him off of the sedative and morphine. They want to see some response from him when they talk or touch him, and so far he isn't responding. They are going to wait till noon to see if he will start responding more to touch and sounds before they contact the doctor to decide how to proceed. So again, all we can do is wait. Please pray that he will start responding, but not be agitated or in discomfort. Again, thank your for your prayers, support, food, and encouragement.

~Rosanna (Robet's daughter)

Rollercoasters

Written 4:45 am September 10, 2008 by Jeanette, Robert’s wife of 29 years

I hate roller coasters. I avoid them in every way. I'll never forget my terror as a child when I went on the Matterhorn at Disneyland. From my vantage point it looked like an innocent enough ride until I passed through that first hole to the inside – it was nothing other than a roller coaster disguised as a mountain! There was no getting off at that point, and there I went – up and down, round and round, clinging on for dear life, vowing never to be duped into riding one again! Robert, on the other hand, loves them. Many times he has begged me to ride on one with him, but when I persistently refused he would go get in line and ride it all by himself. The Boardwalk at Santa Cruz has one of his favorites and the last one I remember him riding was the “Screaming Eel” at Great America in San Antonio, Texas. Each time, I would go look for the right spot in the amusement park to get the best view of the coaster while he waited through the long line. As I watched the cars circle past, I would ask myself, is he on this one, until finally there he would go, with his head thrown back, laughing and yelling. Every glimpse I would have of him, whether being whipped around a corner or on the slow, jerky, uphill climb, or the sudden free fall drop, he never stopped grinning. Then I would make my way back to the ride exit and here he would come, bouncing with excitement and saying, you should have come, it was awesome!
No thanks! What I hate about roller coasters is they are too much like life. They build them so you can’t see what’s coming next – and just the time you adjust to being thrown one direction you get thrown back the other way. This past week I feel like I've boarded a roller coaster. I wish I could enjoy it like Robert used to love the twists and turns of the ride, but my first response is to become anxious and panic and scream let me off. And then about the time I am relaxed and laughing and appreciating the friends who have come around me, there is a sudden free fall drop and I didn’t see it coming… and every instinct within me is to hold my breath and fight against this out-of-control feeling, and start screaming for it to be over.
Jesus has come to smooth out the roller coasters of life. He said some words that are easier to read than to put into practice. “So don't worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will have its own worries. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” I've become so aware of how hard it is to have Robert in a crisis and to live just with what I know today…I want to know what is coming next. I like to see what’s up ahead. I am tempted every minute to worry about the future. Our future…together. But my Master has told me not to worry about tomorrow.
Worry is a hard thing to control. I am tempted to just make it a discipline of my mind…just tell myself to stop worrying…and then remind myself again to stop worrying, but that works about as well as deciding to remain calm while riding the roller coaster – I can only maintain it until the next unexpected turn or drop. Yesterday, after hitting a wall of exhaustion, I remembered words from a servant of my Master: “Do not worry about anything, but pray and ask God for everything you need, always giving thanks. And God's peace, which is so great we cannot understand it, will protect your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”
Getting rid of worry is not a discipline of the mind – it is a placing of my trust in God. Getting rid of worry takes pouring out everything to God, and then giving thanks, not for this crisis, but for all He has done for us and the many blessings we have already received; giving thanks to a God who has come near to us and made Himself known. And somewhere in that process I let go of my instinct to worry and found a peace of mind, even in ICU, with wires and tubes, machines and beeping – a peace that I can’t begin to explain to you. And as I stand by his bed through this roller coaster ride, I’d like nothing more than to see him throw back his head and laugh.
With my requests poured out and my trust in our God, I have the best view of the ride. But, please stop the ride, I want to get off.

Tuesday, Sept 9th....6:45pm

After seeing his leg scan, the doctor is much less concerned about the blood clot now. Yeah! That's a positive! The focus, now, is reducing fluid level in the body and waiting for things to stablize. The doctor called him "relatively stable" today. So all in all, this was a "good" day - hmmmm...we seem to be seeing a pattern....bad day, good day, bad day, good day....
So all we can do right now is wait and pray. Please continue to pray for us, and for dad. We are so glad to have so many friends and family joining us in this journey. God is good and we continue to praise Him in this storm.

~Rosanna

Tuesday, Sept 9th....12:00pm

We're still waiting. The scan the doctor ordered for first thing this morning has not been done yet. So we are just waiting to hear if that has been done. Once that is done, the doctors will have to make a decision as to what to do about the clot. The treatment options both have risks. Please keep praying for wisdom for the doctors as they will have to make a difficult decision about the clot treatment in the next few hours. Dad still has a tempature. They are monitoring it, please pray that it will go down and stay down. Pray for peace for us no matter what happens, and that we will rest in the Lord. Dad is in God's hands, which is the best place he could be.

Monday, Sept 8th....6:50pm

I want to thank you all for the many, many prayers and all the support and well wishes. This has been an unbelievable journey. My head had such a hard time with the transition from "normal evening at home" to ICU with a serious illness in a matter of a few hours. And now a few short days later we are having conversations I never wanted to have as a wife. When I googled pancreatitis 72 hours ago, I read about the exact symptoms Robert was experiencing and said, that is what he has alright. I didn't read any further to realize there are different types of pancreatitis and there are different levels. On a scale of mild to severe, Robert is on the extreme severe side of the spectrum. That is where all alchololics with severe pancreatitis end up being. Robert totally fits the classic symptoms and characteristics of an alchololic with pancreatitis. Every doctor and nurse has asked me, sometimes more than once, "is he a drinker?" After always answering NO, the doctor still does not believe me when I say "he is not a drinker"...I guess he has seen too many closet drinkers or too many families that live in denial and "cover" for the alcoholic. So all of you out there who have knocked back a few beers with Robert, this is the time to come forward and 'fess up! Meanwhile, they have called this a drug-induced pancreatitis, meaning he is on two medications that in very rare cases, cause pancreatitis. (I don't think he's thought about the possibility that all the alcholics he has treated were also on those same two medications - who knows!) Seriously, after 18 years of treating pancreatitis, he learned for the first time that there is a drug-induced type. He did not know that. After telling me that Robert is following the classic alcoholic pancreatitis path, he also let me know that it comes with a very high mortality rate. He assured me Robert will get worse...he just can't tell me how far down the path we will go. After putting him on the ventilator Saturday night, they were upbeat yesterday because he did not start his decline . He did not improve, but he remained stable. That was good. I enjoyed my day after the 3 previous days of being so unstable. Today has not been upbeat. I'm hearing the beginnings of "we're starting to see this...so now we have to watch that." If only everything was not so connected in there, then one problem would not create this domino reaction. I am being sustained and supported by the truth Robert and I have lived by for many years - we believe the Good, Great Physician creates us, offers us life through the Great Redeemer and has His appointed time planned for each one of us for life on this earth to end. Robert has trusted the life offered by our Great Redeemer and walks by faith in Him every day. Our God has used the "inner connectedness" of our physical body to describe the very relationship those "in Christ" share. So, in light of that, this domino reaction inside of Robert's body is exactly what helps me understand the wonderful connectedness of people who are in God's Kingdom. When I read your comments and hear of your prayers I am so greatful for the marvelous body that God has given us. Please continue to pray for the miracle we know our good God could give us, but also pray for His will, not ours, because both Robert and I believe, His will is best.

~Jeanette

Monday, Sept 8th....2:50pm

The doctors have put the filter into Dad's abdominal vein. It went fine, and he is back in his room. The filter is a good thing because he has several clots in each calf. He is now on a morphine drip. His breathing is back to normal.

Monday, Sept 8th....11:45am

Mom talked to the doctor this morning, and the doctor is most concerned right now with the blood clot in his left groin. The doctor ordered a filter to be inserted into an adominal vein to filter any blood clots from his legs. Soon they will be draining the excess fluid out of his system. He also has a pleura on his left lung with about a pint of fluid, and the doctor wants that taken off today. He is breathing more rapidly than he was yesterday, and he still has a fever. For those of you who have known my dad for a long time know that he has never shaved off his beard since he got married. Well, a nurse shaved off his beard today. I have never seen him without a beard, so it's going to be really weird seeing him without a beard. Please be praying for wisdom for the doctors to know what is going on and what needs to be done. Thank you all so much for everything. It looks like this could go on for quite a while.

What I Have Learned About the Pancreas (even though it still may not be what the Dr. meant)

I never gave much thought to a little organ in our body called the pancreas.
I had no idea it normally is the size of fine point Sharpie marking pen. And that it lays across the stomach, near the top of our abdomen, just below our liver, but very near the gall bladder and not far from the spleen, and I guess I really don’t yet know exactly where it sits, but it is closer to the top than to the bottom. I didn’t even know that every day the very second food or liquid touches the inside of our mouth, the pancreas begins producing digestive enzymes. (if I had taken time to think about it, I may have figured out that mine starts producing digestive enzymes the very second I lay my eyes on certain foods – say, like a piece of chocolate cheesecake, or tiramisu…that would explain the very logical conclusion of “I got to have it” – it’s my minds way of saying, “those little buggers are already on the move, looking for something to devour, so I MUST feed them”).
But now I know things about the pancreas I really had never heard of before. When Robert first went into ER, his digestive enzyme count was 20 times the normal amount, enough to digest several cheesecakes. Except that because he had already emptied his stomach in the backyard, he had nothing to digest, so the pancreas begins a process of digesting…itself. And that is bad. In that process parts of the pancreas die, and may even have tiny pieces drift away and land other places where they don’t belong. This work of digesting makes the pancreas very “angry” and it becomes irritated and, as in Robert’s case, it becomes VERY inflamed, and fills with fluid, until it becomes the size of a loaf of French bread. And laying nearer the top of the abdomen as I said, this explains why for 3 days now, Robert has not been able to take a normal, deep breath.And this is what is called pancreatitis – a word that 5 days ago I had never heard of and that I still have trouble pronouncing. I’ve always had trouble pronouncing medical terms and so I always let other people, like my sister or my friend Patty do that for me. Now I’ve had to say it over and over and watch Robert try to catch his breath over and over and over and over and I hate that word.

~Jeanette

Sunday, Sept 7th....4:15pm

They just took Dad to get a biopsy to check for the presence of infection. A surgeon has been consulted, but we won't know if he needs surgery for one to two weeks. There is a possibility of kidney failure over time while he is still on the ventilator, and will more than likely need temporary dialysis. The doctor is now calling what Dad has a drug induced pancreatitis. He has been on two different medications that have in rare occasions have caused pancreatitis. They are saying that he will probably be in ICU for two to four weeks. But there is always the possibility of a miracle, so keep praying! My mom and I will be checking this several times a day, and you can leave a message/comment for us on here. Again, thank you for all your prayers and support!

For those who don't know already...

I wanted to make sure that everyone knows that he is on a ventilator. His heart rate was way too fast, and they couldn't get it to slow down. They gave him a beta blocker that helped slow his heart down. He also had a really low oxygen level. So the ventilator is controlling his breathing and helping to dry out some of the liquid that is in his lungs. Please continue to pray for peace for my mom, and that God would heal my dad and take away his pain. Thank you.

Sunday, Sept 7th...12:45pm

Currently my dad is resting. He is not as restless as he was last night. They are still trying to get his medication at the right level. They want to do a biopsy on his pancreas to see if the infection is actually in his pancreas or if it might be coming from somewhere else. He still has an irregular heart beat. The amount of fluids that they are putting in him will make him swell up, and they will most likely have to put him on a temporary dialysis to drain the fluids. He developed a fever last night that reached 102, so they have him on an ice pad as well as covering him with an ice pad. It is down a little, but still there and they are keeping a close eye on him. I will continue to keep you all updated as time goes on. Thank you for all your prayers, support, and encouragement these last few days.